Last week in this column, I ever-so-humbly gave some suggestions to the concert industry that they could use to turn around their shrinking revenue. This week, I’m going to give concert- goers some advice on how to behave and, therefore, make it a more pleasant experience for everyone.

I like to call it “Concert Etiquette for Morons.”

Here we go …

1. Find your seat and stay there. Nothing irritates a person who shelled out hard-earned money for a seat in the front section than someone who elbows their way up front from the nosebleed section. Usually, said person then proceeds to bring a few friends along, and they spend the entire concert acting obnoxiously and blocking the views of those who paid for the good seats.

2. Don’t yell requests unless the performer asks for them. Most artists assemble a setlist before a show so that not only the band but the lighting crew, stage crew, etc., know their cues. Do you really think they’re going to change that setlist because you keep screaming for a song over and over? (And if it’s not a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, don’t yell out “Free Bird,” OK? On second thought, it’s a safe bet Lynyrd Skynyrd will play “Free Bird” anyway, so just don’t request it. Ever.)

3. Music or beer? Choose one. It never ceases to amaze me how someone will pay $100 or more for a concert seat and then spend half the time standing in line for tap brew that costs $10 a cup. It’s not my business to tell someone how to spend their cash — until they make me get up from my seat every 15 minutes so they can get their Bud Light and then drunkenly slosh it all over me when they return.

4. Act appropriately for the concert. Moshing is great at a punk show, but not at Lilith Fair. You get the idea.

5. Sure, bring the kids — but to appropriate shows. Hint: Ozzfest is not an appropriate show for a toddler. If you’re too cheap to spring for a baby sitter, wait for the DVD.

6. Leave your shirt on. This goes for both men and women, because most of the people who take off their tops at concerts aren’t the types you would want to see topless.

7. When leaving the show, be patient. We all want to get home, but you’re not going to get out of the parking lot any faster by trying to force your way into the line and honking like an idiot. It’s just going to make others think you’re an idiot.

Or a moron.

 

Deputy Managing Editor Rod Harmon may be contacted at 791-6450 or at:

rharmon@pressherald.com