Warning: While none of these lyrics has been copyrighted before this publication, and permission is hereby granted to recite them, some of the tunes that you may be tempted to sing might be protected. Therefore, performances of these tunes may result in action against you by the law firm of Scrooge, Cheney & Ging-Grinch.

 

Jingle Bells

Cut food stamps

For poor kids

Cut ’em all the way.

Oh, think how much dough we will save

If they don’t eat every day.

 

Subsidies for farms,

As long as they are big,

But tell that hungry poor child

That she can’t eat like a pig.

 

Cut food stamps,

Cut food stamps,

As much as we can,

And we’ll have billions more

To spend in Afghanistan.

Good King Wenceslas

Leader Harry Reid looked out

On the filibuster;

Said this gridlock has to end,

So the votes I’ll muster

 

To let Obama exercise,

His constitutional power.

And if the GOP objects,

They can just sit and glower;

 

Judgeships should not go unfilled

To block good regulations,

The Volcker Rule must not be killed

By judges’ machinations.

 

Reform of credit default swaps

And mortgages subprime

Will be the country’s Christmas gift

’Cause the Senate’s off the dime.

We Three Kings

We three tea party senators are,

Moving the country to the right – quite far.

Cruz from Texas, Lee from Utah

And Rand Paul from Kentucky.

 

We think government does more harm than good

We’d repeal Medicaid if we could

Rightward leading, we’re proceeding

To shut things down if we get lucky.

 

We think the poor should be on their own

Taxers should leave rich people alone

And if our country defaults on its debt

We’d treasure that as our best gift yet;

Good tidings for the tea party.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better not plot

You better not spy

Be politically safe

I’m telling you why:

The NSA is taking it down.

 

They know to whom you email

And what you say on the phone

And if you make them nervous,

You’ll be visited by a drone.

 

Don’t get on the list

They send TSA

’Cause when you try to fly,

They’ll tell you NO WAY

The NSA is taking it down.

 

You may be a prime minister

Who thinks you are our friend

But that won’t stop the NSA

From listening on your end

The NSA knows ev-ery-thing.

O CHRISTMAS TREE

O immigrants,

O immigrants,

Republicans don’t like you

They think you are too different

To fit our melting pot

And they worry that most of you

Will vote for Democrats a lot

So to get you all away from here,

They will do their worst

While Native Americans

Wish they had done it first.

WHITE CHRISTMAS

I’m dreaming of all-white voters

Like old-time Mississippi

With blacks abstaining

And not complaining

Just ask the guy from “Duck Dynasty.”

 

Thanks to five Supreme Court judges,

Vote suppression is allowed.

Tough complications

Cut registrations

So at the polls there will not be a crowd.

 

If we can have just white voters

How that will help the GOP.

So if the electorate is white,

All contests will be won by the right.

Barney Frank is a retired congressman and the author of landmark legislation. He divides his time between Maine and Massachusetts.

Twitter: @BarneyFrank