How much do you want to bet that Ryan Lochte is a Donald Trump supporter? He’s got the hair for it, right? Lochte’s blue locks with Trump’s red pelt and the white hair of Roger Ailes will look so beautiful on stage at the Mar-A-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida, with hundreds of foreign workers slaving away in the background.

And is it me, or does shirtless Lochte in the pool resemble shirtless Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, Trump’s idol, on a horse? But it’s not just Lochte’s appearance that suggests he might soon be another white face of the Trump campaign; it’s his winning attitude. So Lochte said on the world stage he was a victim of armed robbery when really he got caught drunk vandalizing private property and urinating in public. He won the gold medal, didn’t he?

And look at those hands.

Lochte isn’t yet old enough to be a Trump Bro Daddy like Ailes or Stephen Bannon or the recently departed Paul Manafort, but he’s got what it takes to be a basic Bro like Corey Lewandowski. Lochte’s got physical prowess and dudeliness and isn’t afraid to throw a punch at an advertisement in a metal frame in a fit of Olympic pique. Lewandowski started his political career with a lawsuit to get on the ballot in an election he lost 7,157 to 7. Lewandowski’s other early accomplishments include bringing a loaded handgun into a federal building and working for guys caught up in the Jack Abramoff scandal. Lewandowski’s capstone political performance was assaulting a female reporter (and lying about it, of course) before being “fired” as Trump’s apprentice. Now Lewandowski makes money adulating Trump on CNN.

For Lochte, the Trump campaign could be a springboard from the pool to cable punditry while he’s still wet behind the ears.

Bro Daddy Manafort brought to Team Trump his experience working for Russian oligarchs and international dictators and surely is the mastermind of Trump’s invitation to Putin thugs to hack into U.S. pipes and troll for Hillary Clinton’s email. Does she really go to yoga and like her in-laws, or are there those more crooked lies foisted on the American people and rightfully the subject of another congressional investigation? Having a Russian sympathizer on your campaign also makes a lot of sense if your campaign promises include a crackdown on First Amendment rights. Putin wrote the book on how to outlaw protests, and Team Trump can steal a page from Melania Trump’s playbook and copy it.

Advertisement

Ailes is in the Trump camp, and so what if he has been accused of sexual harassment by an army of professional women, including Megyn Kelly? The old dog could teach Lochte a few good tricks. Ailes managed to get paid $40 million to leave Fox News, so why shouldn’t Lochte get paid $40 million for leaving Rio?

Lochte’s inexperience with politics is sure to catch the eye of Trump’s new chief executive, Stephen Bannon. Here’s a guy who reinvented himself from Goldman Sachs banker to budding filmmaker to CEO of the worst presidential campaign on record. You remember Bannon’s documentary, “Fire From the Heartland: The Awakening of the Conservative Woman,” starring none other than Michele Bachmann? Bannon could be Lochte’s ticket to Hollywood, or maybe Lochte can get a job working at Breitbart News, Bannon’s right-wing media shop.

Breitbart recently accused President Obama of “importing more hating Muslims”; compared Planned Parenthood’s work to the Holocaust; called conservative commentator Bill Kristol a “renegade Jew”; and advised female victims of online harassment to “just log off” and stop “screwing up the internet for men,” illustrating that point with a picture of a crying child.

If Trump is going to win in November, he needs to build a winning coalition, and getting Lochte on board would be a good sign that things are coming together. That a special bromance is happening – a movement – this election cycle that has the potential to pick up more and more Bros and grow bigger and bigger as it rolls down hill like a giant snowball. After picking up Lochte, there would be no stopping the Trump Bros. Surely there’s room under the tent for A-Rod and Michael Vick. Who else are these guys going to vote for?

There’s even hope for Hope Solo to cross over to the dark side and become a Trump Bro. She demonstrated in Rio that she’s got the Trump brand of a winning attitude. Did you see how she called the Swedes cowards when they beat her and the U.S. soccer team? Name-calling is a hallmark of any aspiring Trump Bro, and Solo’s got that skill down pat. With a little coaching, she can devolve and go even lower. Blame the crooked refs. The game was rigged!

On Team Trump, there’s no limit to how low the Bros can go.

Cynthia Dill is a civil rights lawyer and former state senator. She can be contacted at:

dillesquire@gmail.com

Twitter: dillesquire


Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or login first for digital access. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.

filed under: