August 22, 2013

Through surrogacy, some men become single dads

By David Crary / The Associated Press

Trey Powell's first name has an extra resonance these days. Though still a bachelor, he now presides over a family of three as the dad of twin daughters born six months ago via a surrogate mother.

click image to enlarge

Nanny Randy Hambley, right, hands Trey Powell his daughter, Kylan, as her twin sister, Ashton, sits in his lap at their home in Seattle. "I just wanted to be a dad. Time was not on my side, and I didn't have the luxury of waiting for an ideal mate," Powell said.

The Associated Press

"I feel so lucky every day," Powell said.

At 42, he's a new addition to the ranks of men who intentionally seek the role of single father. While some opt for adoption, others yearn to have children with genetic ties and are willing to invest $100,000 or more to make that happen.

There are no firm numbers of how many men have taken this route. It's clearly still a rarity, although Growing Generations, a leading for-profit surrogacy agency in Los Angeles, says its caseload of single men has risen steadily and totaled about 25 cases last year.

Experts say the driving force is generally a male equivalent of the "biological clock" that prompts some unmarried women to have children while they're still fertile.

"They say they've always wanted to be a dad, they haven't found a partner that they want to start a family with, they're getting older and just don't want to wait – the same things single women say," said Madeline Feingold, an Oakland, Calif., psychologist who has done extensive counseling related to surrogacy.

That was the case for Powell, a pharmaceutical company executive in Seattle who spent three years futilely trying to adopt.

"I was in an adoption pool for a year and half, didn't get any calls and got bummed about the whole experience," he said. "I just wanted to be a dad. Time was not on my side, and I didn't have the luxury of waiting for an ideal mate."

Before approaching Growing Generations, Powell discussed his options at length with family members and with people who'd been through surrogacy. There was a lot of self-interrogation.

"If something happens to me, who's going to take care of my daughters? Is this an egotistical, selfish thing?" he recalled asking himself. "I had to be sure it was the right thing to do."

Now, he says, fatherhood is the focus of his life – a transformation made easier because he often works from home and can afford a full-time nanny.

That level of affluence is a virtual prerequisite for men pursuing the option of fatherhood via surrogacy.

"We tell people to budget $125,000 to $150,000 for a single baby, and $150,000 to $175,000 for twins," said Stuart Bell, co-owner of Growing Generations.

Those figures include compensation of $8,000 to $10,000 for the egg donor, and at least $25,000 for the surrogate mother who gives birth after being impregnated with an implanted embryo.

Though male clients have the option of enlisting an egg donor on their own, Bell said most make their choice from a pool of women recruited by Growing Generations. The clients aren't told the names of the possible egg donors, but see videos of them and learn extensive details about their health, education and genetic history.

The process also entails psychological screening, plus detailed legal negotiations to minimize any chance that the egg donor or surrogate mother might claim parental rights.

By the time the process is done, the aspiring father's commitment is usually apparent, said Denise Bierly, a State College, Pa., attorney specializing in adoption and surrogacy law.

"With men especially, the process gets so well thought through," she said. "They go into this having talked about it with their friends, relatives. There's nothing spontaneous about it."

Alan Bernstein, a dad raising three surrogacy-born children in Los Angeles, describes single parenting as "an insanely hard job" and also as deeply rewarding.

(Continued on page 2)

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