September 21, 2013

The humble Farmer: One's cold; the other's hot. Can this marriage be saved?

If one person cranks up the thermostat just as their spouse lowers it, they complement each other.


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If you marry in June, it might be September before you discover you are married to a person who turns the thermostat down just after you've turned it up. If you are a newlywed who noticed this happening last week, don't worry. Your marriage is secure.

Hot or cold, in most homes the thermostat problem quickly resolves itself because realistic men soon learn that trotting about the house dressed for the weather is to their advantage.

May I remind you that I am a cold man who is married to a woman who, one morning in early fall, came down the stairs, walked over to the sink and, with her tongue hanging out, panted, "I'm hot. It's too hot here. I'm dying from the heat."

I pointed at the thermometer on the wall and said, "It is 57 degrees. It is not hot in here, but I just cranked up the heat to 65. The pipes haven't had any heat in them since the last killing frost on June 4th. You smelled the dust on those heating pipes starting to warm up, which gives your brain the impression that your body is hot."

What do we learn from this? There are probably people in Tibet who have been heating their homes with mental power for centuries, but I claim to be breaking new ground by suggesting that it would work here in Maine. I'm able to produce beads of sweat on my wife's brow in an ice-cold room just by giving her a sniff of dust on a warm copper pipe.

There is no reason why the scent of burning alders, fir or even dust can't be canned in abandoned fish factories and marketed at Maine fairs. Wouldn't you consider heating your home with smells -- just for the connubial and economical benefits? The only complaints would be from your oil dealer and a compatible spouse.

The humble Farmer can be seen on Community Television in and near Portland and visited at his website:


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