Is your daughter ready for the social aspects of middle school? Why not help prepare her, and yourself, for what’s ahead?

“It’s a little like a horse race,” said Dr. Jim Longhurst, psychologist for the children and family services organization Starr Commonwealth.

According to Longhurst, girls at this stage ask themselves all kinds of questions. “They’re wondering ‘Who will I hang out with?’ ‘Who will be my friends?’ ‘Who will like me?’ ‘What do I do if someone makes fun of me and makes me look stupid?’ ‘How can I fit in here?'”

“Parents can help prepare a girl for the transition to middle school by talking through some of these issues,” Longhurst said. The key is to listen, learn and understand. When your daughter senses your sensitivity and empathy instead of finding fault, she will be much more willing to be open with you.

Help your daughter understand she may be confronted with situations she may not have experienced in elementary school. For instance, she may see a lack of respect for others. Let her know to not be discouraged by this type of behavior.

Also, read up on something called “relational aggression” among girls, especially in middle school, where there is so much jockeying for peer group acceptance. Help your daughter understand the difference between playful teasing and the hurtful effects of these behaviors.

Help your daughter understand the social hierarchy of girls’ groups, especially in those that seem to “rule the roost” in the school.

There are several excellent resources on this topic, including “Queen Bees and Wannabes” by Rosalind Wiseman, and “Odd Girl Out” by Rachel Simmons. Discussing relational aggression from these perspectives can help your daughter understand these social and group dynamics more objectively and not take experiences so personally.

Your daughter will inevitably have squabbles with friends. Allies become enemies and can turn back into allies the next day. Sometimes their stories will make us upset and angry. Resist the urge to escalate the situation and “make it right.” Instead, try to give your daughter some useful coping skills.

Also, don’t forget to help your daughter with and to check her homework; help her to be organized; and encourage athletic, cultural, and volunteer activities.

Reinforce (all the time) the notion that she is a great person. Middle school is a proving ground for values. Also, get to know her friends and invite them to your home.