Q: My 9-week-old son cannot get to sleep. He only sleeps for two- to three-hour spans before crying and feeding at night. During the day he hardly naps unless we go for a drive.

I also can’t seem to get him to fall asleep without my nursing him or rocking him. He has fallen asleep on me a lot lately and when I put him down he wakes up and cries.

I am beyond exhaustion and I worry that I am teaching him bad techniques for sleep by letting him fall asleep on my breast and rocking him. — Via e-mail

 

A: At 9 weeks, many infants wake up every two to three hours — a major strain on parents. Until four months, most babies’ brains aren’t ready to organize their sleep cycles to sleep through the night.

But even by 12 weeks, your baby’s schedule should begin to follow a more predictable day-night routine. You are doing the right thing by rocking him, holding him and putting him to the breast.

Your husband can help by taking turns with you to get the baby at night. For now, he may feel he can’t do much. But you might fall back to sleep more easily if he got up to bring the baby to you and returned him to the crib after feeding. (On occasion, a sleepover relative or friend can spell you, too.)

You might consider pumping some breast milk so your husband could use it at night in a bottle to feed the baby. At 9 weeks, your baby may be comfortable enough with the breast that he won’t want to give it up because of a few nighttime bottles.

You may not yet feel you know what your baby is telling you with his cries and other behavior. Sometimes you may think he is saying he is hungry when instead he is sleepy, and vice versa, which may explain why he’s falling asleep when you feed him.

Babies show they’re hungry in several ways before bursting into tears. He becomes alert and begins to root around, bobbing his head, thrusting it forward or turning it from side to side as if looking for the breast. He may even begin to flail with his hands.

Little by little, you will “read” your baby’s behavior. You’ll both feel less exhausted.

You needn’t worry that you are teaching him “bad techniques for sleep.” Sooner or later he will no longer need to fall asleep on your breast.

Meanwhile you can help him learn to soothe himself. When he fusses during the day, don’t rush to pick him up. Wait for a short while, then go to him and talk gently to him.

If he is still fussing, of course you can pick him up and hug him. You can bring his hand to his mouth and help him learn to comfort himself by sucking his thumb. He will learn to put himself to sleep and to wait until it is time for his next feeding.

 

Questions or comments should be addressed to Dr. T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Joshua Sparrow, care of The New York Times Syndicate, 620 Eighth Ave., 5th floor, New York, N.Y. 10018. Questions may also be sent by e-mail to:

nytsyn-families@nytimes.com.