Got those post-election blues? Things not go the way you’d hoped? Missing the daily polls, political attack ads and nonstop yammering from talking heads on cable news?

Here are some ideas to get you through the rest of the week:

Call up Libby Mitchell and say you would have voted for her but was turned off by her showing up at debates that ignored your write-in candidate, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Make a list of all the campaign signs that are still on roadsides on Friday and call up the candidates to demand they be removed. Especially the ones for the hotly contested sewer district seats.

Celebrate Paul LePage’s victory by going on a spending binge at Marden’s. The guy’s gotta pay for his campaign somehow, and you can never have enough Aqua Globes.

Sing favorite campaign songs of yesteryear, such as “Happy Days Are Here Again,” “Don’t Stop” and “Cheney’s Got a Gun.”

In keeping with the tea party movement, create new party subsets using old political themes. Confuse everyone by saying you’re a Democrat-Republican. Go with a Maine-sounding name like the Bull Moose Party. Or if you really want to choose a name that’s appropriate for the times, go with the Know Nothing Party.

Produce a TV series called “The Cutler Files” starring James Garner as a private detective trying to track down the mysterious person(s) behind a website that attacks a gubernatorial candidate.

Proudly proclaim that you’re going to do your part to “take the country back” by forgoing all that socialist stuff like Social Security, public libraries, Medicare, public education, clean tap water and any product approved by a federal safety commission.

Watch Fox News, CNN and MSNBC for comedic relief and read MAD magazine for some serious political commentary. I’m not kidding on this one. 

Deputy Managing Editor Rod Harmon may be contacted at 791-6450 or at:

[email protected]


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