Q: My ex sent me a Christmas card — through snail mail, which I thought was a little weird for him because he’s an email sort of guy, but I received it yesterday. He was terrible to me, however I’m actually thinking of going back. Should I send him a card to sort of round out the gesture? Call him? What’s good ex-etiquette?

A: Men don’t send Christmas cards. Well, some men probably do, but take a poll of the men sitting around you as you read this column and you will see that very few even think of the gesture — unless they are looking for an excuse to get back into your life. Then, a creative guy might pull out all the stops — and a Christmas card seems sort of weak, but since you say it’s not his character, he might consider it sort of old-fashioned and hope you think it’s cute.

Now, if he was a dog, and you think returning a card will just get you more of the same, we don’t even know why you wrote us — unless you are suffering from the Christmas Crazies. In that case, your indecision is quite predictable. The Christmas Crazies is a common affliction that hits people who are alone for the first time right around the holidays. Their sentimentality gets the best of them and they temporarily go out of their mind, actually contemplating going back with someone who was just plain bad for them. It’s the time when you might hear, “Oh, but he was so cute.” when the guy ran out on her, took her Mercedes, but left her with the payments. You will overhear men who suffer from the Christmas Crazies making similar comments. Truth is, no one likes to be alone and the holidays just make everyone a little nuts.

Look in your heart of hearts and if you carry a torch for him all year round, then send him a card back — or better yet, if you really want to start the relationship again, call him, thank him for thinking of you and ask him if he’d like to meet you for a drink, coffee, or whatever suits your lifestyle. But, in all reality, if your heart is going pitter-pat because of the time of year, lock your door and throw away the key. Someone will find you soon after the holidays. By then you will have come back to your senses and will be able to successfully resume your quest to find a real stand-up guy.

Be careful everyone out there in Ex Etiquette land — the holidays are THE most common time for people to try to reconcile with “the way it used to be” as the catalyst. We are not in the habit of advising people to remember the bad times, but you broke up for a reason. If you are attempting reconciliation, make sure you have a plan in place to overcome what broke you up in the first place. Then reconciliation may last. Otherwise, you’re looking at another break-up once the holiday dust settles.

Lots of articles about surviving the holidays are on the Bonus Families website, bonusfamilies.com, key word: holidays. 

Jann Blackstone-Ford and her husband’s ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of “Ex-Etiquette for Parents,” are the founders of Bonus Families (bonusfamilies.com). Reach them at:

eebonusfamilies.com