The annual Beach to Beacon road race is upon us again, and in the case of some of us, that is literally … Traffic on our bumpers for 48 hours Friday and Saturday.

Retail and service-industry shops swamped with runners/tourists same period (allow extra time to get your fried dough at the OOB Pier).

Joan Benoit (now Samuelson), Cape Elizabeth native, and class of l975 (yay!) started it l5 years ago. Joan is still figurehead. She has done our region a big favor the past decade-plus by saying, Look in the mirror, pal. Or, better yet, step on the bathroom scales. Yup. See you at the race.

I ran Beach to Beacon for 10 years (pause at lap top; dodge vegetables; OK; resume typing). Ran so my kids could see me run (pause again; allow time for teenagers’ eye-rolling).

I don’t remember my best time. I do remember beating a bunch of Scarborough High kids, and also some CEHS kids who play Legion baseball in the land of 04074. . As Bill Murray would say in Caddyshack, “So, you got that going for you….which is good.” (My God, did that seem small and petty on my part? Dear me!).

Here are Ten Helpful Rules for B2B Saturday:

No Spandex. Remember, there are cameras everywhere;

Do all that fancy stretching at home. Ten percent are impressed; the rest snicker;

Say hi to everybody on race day. All the people you “big-time” at the starting line will be at Fort Williams when you stumble in, having cramped up bad at Mile 4, seven minutes over your PR (Personal Record);

Stop using cool running lingo. You’re not 26. Now? You sound like the fine print on a Gatorade bottle (“minimize my lactic acid,” etc);

Take the water offered by volunteers in Dixie cups along the race course. Make them feel wanted, or they might not show up next year;

Throw the Dixie cups 10 feet off the road. Don’t just drop them. If I am behind you tomorrow, trip on one, blow out an ACL, I will sue you;

Kidding!! I told you I retired from B2B (until end of home duties that include getting one kid to bed by 2 a.m., and another one up by 5 a.m.);

Force yourself to run as fast as you can inside Fort Williams gate to finish line at Portland Headlight. Adam Johnson, SHS ’99 and Brandeis ’03, told several of us for three years, as we tried for sub 40:00. ‘Pick off ‘ 25-30 runners ahead of you.” God, I love this inside-lingo and terms!

When you finish, you will see scads of free food and drink. Pig on it all. To the frowners, blurt: “Got to maintain!” Or “carbo-loading!” You will get your cookie seconds.

After the race, no excuses. Just announce “an analysis of training regimen changes for next year.” (Here are two I will loan you: Do not run next year in high-top orange Chuck Taylors. Do not ride to Race Day on a bicycle built for two).

Good luck. Smile. Cameras everywhere. Hi, Joanie!

Dan Warren is a lawyer in Scarborough. He can be reached by private Facebook message at Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law page, or by email at: [email protected].