Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, unless you have a list of 20 people you need to buy presents for. Then it seems mostly frustrating, tiresome and expensive.

From Nov. 1 until New Year’s, stores flood shoppers’ email inboxes with reminders to “pick something up for everyone on your list.”

Depending on how generous – or guilty – you’re feeling, that could range from your former brother-in-law to your pet. The pressure to buy the perfect gifts for your spouse, best friend, boss, children’s teachers, hairdresser, etc. is enough to make some people back out of gift-giving altogether.

“A lot of people check out of the practice, telling all their family members not to buy or expect gifts, because they get stressed out shopping for everyone,” said Elaine Swann, a San Diego-based lifestyle and etiquette coach.

If you find yourself on the verge of an “I quit Christmas” meltdown, take a breath and remember what the season was intended to celebrate before it became nauseatingly commercialized.

“The reason people exchange gifts is to show others that they are thankful for the involvement they have in each other’s lives,” Swann said. Picking out a gift for someone is a gesture that tells the person you value her presence in your life that particular year, she said.

And as hokey as it may sound, the gifts that are usually the biggest hits are the ones that come from the heart.

“A gift doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant,” said Mindy Utay, a therapist in New York City who specializes in relationship conflicts. “It seems that people feel innate pressure to follow traditions and what is ‘supposed to be done’ during the holidays, instead of finding ways that are personal to them to express their sentiments.”

Don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself when shopping for others. Usually the best gifts are those that simply show the recipient that you’ve been paying attention and picked up on their interests and sensibilities. The cost is irrelevant.

“A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to equal a great deal of money,” Swann said. For instance, say you have a friend who is a huge fan of Lucille Ball (as Swann does). Even just buying a little “I Love Lucy”-themed trinket from a gift shop will speak volumes and show her that you’re paying attention and that you care.

Utay recommends searching websites like Etsy and eBay to find small gifts perfectly tailored to a person’s interests.

Close friends are fairly easy to buy for, but finding gifts for those who play lesser roles in your life – but important nonetheless – can be a challenge.

“If you get to a point where you’re really starting to feel frustrated with shopping, get any type of gift that’s going to get them out of the house,” Swann said. Think movie tickets or gift cards to restaurants, or a membership to a local museum. Gifts that provide people with the opportunity to have an experience also give them the flexibility to make of it what they want, so there’s a greater chance they’ll actually like what you give them.

And despite what those countless store marketing emails say, don’t feel compelled to buy a gift for everyone you know.

“If you’ve run out of cash, giving a card is way better than doing nothing at all,” Swann said.

You can convey the same sentiment – that the person matters to you and you’re grateful they’re in your life – just with your words.

No matter their age, getting a present during the holidays fills people with joy and lets them know they’re loved. Don’t let the brouhaha of the season push you into squandering the opportunity to show someone you care.

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