DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited on a first date with a really nice guy. We met at a coffee shop near my job and have talked when we’ve seen each other there several times. I am excited about going out with him. I have a bit of a challenge, though. We are going out to dinner – classic date, I know. But I have a ton of food allergies. I really don’t want to get into my food stuff on a first date, but I’m nervous that he may choose a restaurant that will be hard for me. Should I recommend a safe restaurant or ask him where we are going in advance? Or do I just spill the beans and tell him all about my issues? – Allergy Date, Chicago

DEAR ALLERGY DATE: If possible, don’t go into the allergy details before or during your first date. Keep things light if at all possible. How? By all means, ask what restaurant you will be going to. Knowing the name, you can call and find out what the evening’s menu is and what foods you need to avoid. Don’t sweat it even if you don’t find out until you get to the restaurant. You can excuse yourself from the table and go to the maitre d’ or waiter, give them a list of your food allergies (best if already printed on a card) and ask for recommendations for what you can order. With that information, you can be ready to order as you and your date look over the menu.

If it naturally comes up that you have food allergies, do not avoid the conversation. It is part of who you are, and he will have to learn soon enough. Just do your best not to make it the dramatic conversation of the night.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to help a couple get some things together for their wedding. I did help them some, but I wasn’t able to be there on the day of the ceremony due to work and family conflicts. I know they were disappointed that I couldn’t join them, although I let them know in plenty of time. What can I do to make sure they know how much I care about them? They are not close friends, but we like each other a lot. – Celebrating Nuptials, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CELEBRATING NUPTIALS: Send the couple a congratulatory card that acknowledges their union. Also, go to their gift registry and select something on the list that you can afford. Have your gift sent to them. After things settle down, if you like, you can check in with them to see how they are doing. Newlyweds appreciate hearing from loved ones. You will need to decide if you want to cultivate a relationship with the married couple. If so, let them know you want to spend time with them. Invite them to dinner or to an outing with you.

If you are not trying to insert yourself into their life, the card and gift are plenty.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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