DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my old boss this summer, and it was pleasant on the surface, but I have to admit that I still hold a grudge against her. I felt like I was not treated well during my last days on the job. I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and, ultimately, she fired me because I called her on it. I have moved on, as this was many years ago. But I do not trust her. So when we saw each other, we were pleasant to each other, but the memories came flooding in. There were other former co-workers at this gathering, and they were all going down memory lane talking about the “good old days,” and it was hard for me to participate in the conversation because that’s not how I remember it. I mainly stayed quiet. I didn’t see any good in reminiscing about what I would call the bad times. How can I let go of the bad feelings? I think that’s the only way I can fully move on. – Stuck in the Past, Cincinnati

DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: Forgiveness is one of the most powerful practices and also one of the most difficult. Whatever happened between you and your old boss is in the past. Clearly, she hurt you. There’s a chance you had some role in this as well. Rather than continuing to rehash and hold onto the dregs of the past, stay in the moment. Remind yourself of what is good about your life. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and your boss for whatever occurred before so that you can be in the moment and reap whatever benefits await you. You deserve that freedom.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a very small town where everybody knows each other. I am single, and over the years I have had a few different boyfriends, not in close succession. It’s just that I have been single for so long that naturally there have been a few guys. So now I feel like since everybody knows everybody, there’s nobody left for me to date in my town who doesn’t know everyone else. I wonder if I should move. I really want to have a good relationship and even get married, but so far, this hasn’t worked out. What should I do? – Small-Town Love, St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR SMALL-TOWN LOVE: Yes, it can be tough to date over time in a small town. Your neighbors, family members and friends will have their opinions about you and your life, and too often they will voice their feelings. Before you decide to move, you may want to review the landscape of your town to assess if there is anybody you could be seriously interested in. If so, check him out before giving up.

If he isn’t a match, consider scheduling vacations in other areas. You can visit cities when an activity that interests you is going on. Put yourself out there to meet new people. If you meet someone you like, take it very slowly. Broadening your horizons may be your ticket to happiness in love. It may require a move, but possibly only a move after you meet someone in a new port of call.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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