DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother had a health scare over the holidays, and it really freaked my siblings and me out. We weren’t sure what was going to happen to her. At the same time, we know how private she is about things, so we didn’t tell many people what happened. So far she is doing OK, but she is not 100 percent yet. Now I’m wondering if we should have told more people. Only one of us lives in the same town as my mom. If her friends knew about her health condition, it might make it easier on my sister to care for her. Do you think we should broaden her support group by filling them in on what happened? – Seeking Support, Washington, D.C.
DEAR SEEKING SUPPORT: In a word – no. Unless your mother gives you permission to share her personal health history with her friends, you should not do so. Since you are concerned, it is perfectly fine to discuss the matter with her to see what makes her comfortable and to get a sense of what kind of support she believes she needs. But I would start by talking to your sister about what she feels she can manage in caring for your mother. If possible, you and your siblings should speak to your mother’s doctor to learn what the recommended course of action is for the family and other potential caregivers. With all of this information, you can make an informed decision – with your mother’s blessing – about next steps.
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I got duplicate gifts for Christmas from people I really love. Specifically, I got gloves that are identical except for the color. I want to take one of them back, but I’m worried that I will see both friends during the winter. I’m afraid that the friend who gave me whichever one I take back will be hurt that I am not wearing the gloves she gave me. But it seems impractical to keep both sets. I have plenty of other gloves, too. What should I do to avoid hurting my friend’s feelings? – Duplicate, Syracuse, New York
DEAR DUPLICATE: Why not return the gloves that you like the least and replace them with a matching hat? Then when you see the friend who gave you the returned gloves you can tell her that you swapped them for a hat since you were given two pairs of gloves. If you are honest about it, she should surely understand. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness and that you hope she likes the hat. Tell her you will think of her whenever you wear it.
— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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