As my newsfeed gets taken over by “#MeToo,” the online campaign through which women share their experiences of sexual harassment and assault, my excitement is tinged with apprehension.

Will this time be different? Will people really believe the stories women have told for generations, and, even more importantly, will things actually change?

Real change will require shifting cultural norms and mores, those internal rules that are unspoken and implicit. Until now, they’ve included things like:

“Avoid guys like that but don’t say anything.”

“It’s part of being a woman, figure out how to deal with it.”

“If you want to get ahead in a man’s world, expect to play by their rules,”

or even “He’s harmless, just ignore him.”

Implicit rules about sexual boundaries in the workplace are complicated because the behaviors they are trying to regulate are complicated. They range across a spectrum, and cover a wide band of motivations.

At one end are the “personal predators,” whose motive is simple. Use power to get what I want: sexual compliance, favors, or behaviors I can demand because of who I am or the power I wield to intimidate. These men are generally narcissistic, entitled, and amoral about sexuality.

In the middle are “patriarchy protectors”: those who use femininity as a tool to keep women in second place. They’d never consider forcing nonconsensual sex, but their comments on appearance, physical attributes or feminine characteristics have a subtle purpose. “You will never be one of us,” they say, “taken seriously for your thoughts and accomplishments. Not when you look like that.” These men espouse family values, respect for women, and belief in equality. Just not when it threatens male superiority in the workplace.

At the bottom are the “perpetually puerile”: men who boost their self-esteem by exercising verbal male privilege to whistle, leer or hint at sexual intentions to show off to their buddies, to reassure themselves they are still “in the game” or to pretend a power they do not feel.

None of these behaviors is acceptable, but we will not make progress if we lump them all together. Equal outrage is a crude response, and while emotionally satisfying, usually leads to a crude backlash, the kind that has sabotaged progress in the past.

Yes, women need to tell their stories, and we need to start believing them. But culture won’t change unless the response of men changes. Good men, honest men, who are willing to confront their peers, impose consequences, and reflect on the subtle and destructive impacts that these behaviors have on all of us.

“Personal predators” belong in jail, or at least excluded from the privileges of acceptable male society. When men are willing to say, “I will not do business with a bully. I will not work with someone who treats women as objects,” the ethical standards for workplace behavior will shift.

When more thoughtful men confront the subtle inferences of the “patriarchy protectors,” educating them as to how this hurts workplace performance, undercuts the equality they say they honor and makes it harder for women to contribute to the company’s bottom line, this too, will decline.

And when we all respond to childish “boy talk” not as something to laugh at, or bond over, but as a display of embarrassing immaturity, it may lose its appeal.

Sexual energy is part of our humanness. We can never eliminate it from the workplace.

When we use that energy to convey power, manipulation, disrespect, or fear, we reduce its humanness. But between the extreme examples I’ve cited lie a lot of gray areas where humor and flattery, attraction and inference exist. Both men and women play there. Talking honestly and respectfully about these will take courage. Both genders will have to admit they make mistakes, toy with boundaries, and do things that make others uncomfortable. Facing that, and finding better ways to communicate will not be easy.

But I believe that those conversations will accomplish more for equality in the long run. For the boundaries they are resetting are not just about sex. They are, at core, about simple human respect, the most important equality of all.