The leaders of the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives do not have permission to waste everyone’s time and taxpayer money to provide anti-harassment training programs to their elected members and staff. They don’t need education. They need decency.

Our leaders do have permission to purchase enough printer paper to provide each senator, House representative and staff member with one sheet of paper labeled “Workplace Anti-Harassment Policies” and goes on to state:

Keep all of your clothes on at all times in the workplace and anywhere else that colleagues are present.

Do not ever touch or comment on the size, shape, etc., of another person’s body parts or appearance. The only exception to this strict, hands-off rule is a short handshake upon meeting and departing.

Do not regale your colleagues with your hilarious jokes or recount your personal exploits. They are not interested, and they have work to do.

Assume that all interactions with colleagues will be on TV the next evening.

Know that any violations of these simple rules will be considered your agreement to resign, which will be accepted immediately.

Ten reams of printer paper should do it. That’s about $200, tops. And no more hush money will have to be paid out.

Frances Haywood

Cape Elizabeth