Wanted: Republican candidate for president. Position to begin January 2021. Qualifications: Open mind, open heart, sincerity, authenticity, ability to communicate effectively without the use of electronic devices, ability to change minds and willingness to have your mind changed.

Conservative philosophy preferred but ability to move to the center when required for the benefit of the country. Military experience a benefit but not required. A history of actually working for a living mandatory. Prior political experience will not be held against you.

Caution: There will be a good many citizens who will oppose you and despise you based simply on your party affiliation without actually knowing you or even taking the time to do so.

However, a dignified, respectful and mature presence will certainly win people over. If you maintain a Facebook account or have ever used Twitter or Instagram, be advised, anything and everything you have ever posted since being a teenager will come back to haunt you. Also, there is no statute of limitations in the public’s eye for any actions committed as a teenager.

The application process is lengthy, arduous and costly. The pay is low compared to the private sector but comes with excellent benefits including a residence, private jet and round the clock security. If you are a person of convictions, courage, dedication to your country and of good moral character, please consider applying. Please.

An equal opportunity employer.

Steven Edmondson

Topsham


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