Right now, it can feel like our lives are governed by things that are completely out of our control. We can’t control that the novel coronavirus exists, but we can control what we do to help prevent its spread. We can also be mindful of how this pandemic is impacting our emotions and mental wellbeing. You’ve probably heard this before, but it’s worth repeating: It’s OK to not be OK. Here are some things I’ve found helpful when I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

Even in normal times, it can be easy to slip into comparing how we’re doing to how other people appear to be doing. That’s true now, too. We can think other people are overly anxious and need to calm down, or aren’t taking things seriously enough. I found this advice from clinical psychologist Jack Kornfield to be direct but important: Managing your own emotions is a big enough task by itself; don’t try to manage or control the emotions of other people. We’re all going to have better days and worse days. We can listen to each other and support each other. But ultimately, we can’t “fix” how our friend is feeling anymore than we can change the habits of a stranger in the grocery store.

What we can do is focus on our own mental and emotional wellbeing, and take care of ourselves and our families. One big point that Kornfield focuses on in this article is to be aware of how we’re feeling. Kornfield advises: “Your feelings are your organism trying to handle things.” If you wake up and find you’re feeling down, practice telling yourself, “I’m feeling very anxious today,” or “I’m having an off day.” Be patient and honest with yourself and others about how you’re feeling day to day.

If you feel like you’re full of anxious thoughts about what might happen, or what you can’t control, try a grounding exercise. This is a method of refocusing your brain on what’s in front of you now, which can help alleviate anxiety. A very easy grounding exercise is to pay attention to your senses. Name one thing you can feel or touch, one thing you can see, one thing you can smell, one thing you can hear, and one thing you can taste. Another exercise I came across a little while ago is to list, in no particular order, 100 things you love. This can be a good thing to work on a little at a time. Your list can include big things, like your family, and little things, like your favorite ice cream. There’s no wrong answer.

I’ve been hearing from parents who are feeling overwhelmed by suddenly needing to homeschool their children. It’s a real challenge, whether you’re juggling a remote job and homeschooling, continuing to go into work and homeschooling, or if you’re home and trying to figure out your finances while homeschooling. These challenges increase if you have multiple children, or a child with special needs, or if you’re trying to navigate co-parenting on top of it all. I want to say to parents: You’re doing a great job. This is a confusing, scary time for kids, too. Younger children especially might be having a hard time understanding why they can’t be at school with their friends and teacher. Hug your kids, read books with them, take lunch breaks with them, talk with them and listen to them. Learning will happen. The most important thing you can do is to make sure your kids know that they are safe and loved.

Like many of you, I’ve been listening to daily briefings by Maine CDC Director Dr. Nirav Shah. I greatly appreciate Dr. Shah’s honesty and compassion. During one briefing, Dr. Shah acknowledged the grief we’re all feeling over the loss of going out, seeing friends, enjoying communal rites of passage, and overall normalcy. But one particular thing he said stuck with me: “Grief is not a problem to be solved.” Put another way, it’s OK to not be OK. I invite you all to be mindful of your feelings; allow yourself to feel sad or angry or scared. And above all, be kind to yourself and to others.

If you need help, resources are available. The state FrontLine WarmLine is available for health care workers, first responders and others who are feeling the strain of facing this pandemic head-on. You can call the FrontLine WarmLine at (207) 221-8196 or 1-866-367-4440. If you’re not a frontline worker, you can call the statewide warmline at 1-866-771-WARM. Warmlines are for people who need help or advice, but aren’t necessarily in crisis. If you are in crisis, please don’t hesitate to call 1-888-568-1112 or text “HOME” to 741741. We may be physically separated, but we’re not alone. With kindness and patience, we’ll get through this.

State Sen. Eloise Vitelli represents Senate District 23: Arrowsic, Bath, Bowdoin, Bowdoinham, Dresden, Georgetown, Phippsburg, Richmond, Topsham, West Bath, Woolwich and the unorganized township of Perkins.

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