So the pandemic is over and the pandumbic has started. Mr. Balentine’s Freedumb Shopping Train from Wuhan, China, has arrived right on schedule (“Give us liberty, or give us death,” May 8).

Apparently not enough people have died (73,000 and counting) to satisfy Mammon (the Republicans’ true god). While Patrick Henry’s “Give me shopping, or give me death” is stirring, I prefer Nathan Hale’s, “I regret that I have but one credit card to max out for my country.” As with the Tea Party, these re-open patriots need a name. I think “The Petri Dish Patriots” (motto: “Shop ’til you drop!”) has a nice ring to it. The question remains, “Should we erect a full statue to honor these new patriots, or would a bust do?” (Apologies to Dickens).

What’s the big deal? COVID-19 is a wussy virus. One can kill it with soap and water. If one wears a mask and observes social distancing, we should all be fine. Hahaheeheehoho. After all, this is just Mother Nature culling the herd.

My age and health prevent me from joining the shopping mob. I can only look on as the battle against reason, common decency and humanity rages.

Please pass the popcorn, dear.

William D. Hill
Standish

P.S. My suggested home treatment for COVID-19 is: Tide Pod Suppositories (two or three at a time). I mean people are saying, “What do you have to lose?” If they don’t work, maybe they’ll take your mind off your 105 degree fever.