Pliny and Melanie Reynolds own Terlingua and Ocotillo. “If there’s something that pops up, I know I can count on Pliny to get through the day — he’s got my back, and there’s a real level of security in that,” Melanie Reynolds said. Ben McCanna/Portland Press Herald

In 2015, as they planned the launch of their East Bayside restaurant Terlingua, Pliny and Melanie Reynolds had no second thoughts about going into business together.

“We decided opening a restaurant would be insane and fun,” said Pliny, noting that he and Melanie were “college sweethearts” who met in 2001 at the Savannah College of Art and Design in Georgia, where he studied architecture and she studied photography and graphic design.

Melanie came from a restaurant family, which had founded Alisson’s Restaurant in Kennebunkport, where she got her first restaurant job as a busser when she was 14. Pliny had developed some serious barbecue chops while the couple were living in Austin, Texas, for nearly 10 years. Still, they were wise enough to hire a seasoned chef, Wilson Rothschild, to run the kitchen at their new Texas- and Mexican-inspired barbecue joint.

“At the time we had opened the restaurant, we were really committed to our relationship and working together, and it really felt like there wasn’t anything we wouldn’t be able to get through,” Melanie said. “We were really excited going into it, having this opportunity to work together and build something, taking the things we were good at and combining them.”

Yet Pliny recalled the struggles during their first few years in business. He was working six days a week from 4:30 a.m. (because that brisket isn’t going to smoke itself) to 8 p.m. The couple was living check-to-check and trying to make payroll each week, while also raising two small children. Restaurant life suddenly seemed light on the fun, heavy on the insane.

“If you had written down all the pitfalls we would have gone through on a piece of paper and handed it to me prior to opening, there’s a good chance we wouldn’t have done it,” Pliny said. “It’s incredibly stressful, when you’re spending so much time at the restaurant and facing all these constant financial difficulties. That’s probably the hardest thing confronting couples as business partners.”

Now in its 10th year, Terlingua is one of Portland’s most popular restaurants, and the Reynolds launched its sister operation, Ocotillo, in the West End last spring. While they’ve adopted more manageable work schedules for themselves, the demands of restaurant ownership still keep them occupied most of their waking hours.

“We’re putting in all this time and hard work now,” Melanie said. “It feels like in this phase of life, the focus is on the family and the businesses. Down the road as our kids get older, Pliny and I will have more time together, and that will be that phase of life, once we’re through this really intense time.”

The Reynolds are among the Portland restaurant world’s power couples — like Ilma Lopez and Damian Sansonetti of Chaval and Ugly Duckling, and Marisa Lewiecki and Jordan Rubin of Mr. Tuna and Bar Futo — married partners who own and operate multiple successful, acclaimed venues (not to mention Paige and Chris Gould of Central Provisions and Tipo, who are also part-owners of Finestkind in Saco). In an industry notorious for its high failure rate and tight profit margins, their business achievements are noteworthy on their own. But as we approach Valentine’s Day, it seems fitting to ask: How do these couples find time to nurture their own relationships?

COMPLEMENTARY ROLES

Part of the answer, it seems, lies in creating complementary work roles from the start.

Rubin and Lewiecki met nearly 12 years ago at a North Shore restaurant where he was cooking and she was a server. It’s common among restaurateurs for one partner to have kitchen experience and the other be adept at front-of-house matters. But when they moved to Maine in 2014, it was so Lewiecki could finish her business degree at the University of Southern Maine. The program sharpened Lewiecki’s business acumen, which would prove invaluable as the couple went on to turn the Mr. Tuna food cart into a Public Market House stall and then its own brick-and-mortar space on Middle Street, as well as launch Crispy Gai (which Lewiecki is no longer involved with) and Bar Futo.

“Marisa is like the yin to my yang,” Rubin said. “The things I’m not good at, she’s really good at, and that’s a lot of things. The combination of us together was so much stronger than us on our own. Once she got more involved in the business, I just kept adding more and more to her plate. She’s very organized and on top of things, and a natural business person.”

While Rubin keeps himself busy with kitchen management and operations at Mr. Tuna (where he’s also the working head chef) and Bar Futo, Lewiecki “manages the managers” and handles “behind the scenes stuff,” like staff health and 401k benefits, branding and design.

Jordan Rubin and Marisa Lewiecki outside Mr. Tuna on Middle Street last July. The couple are holding an award from the website Portland Old Port for Best New Restaurant 2024. Photo courtesy of Mr. Tuna

Sansonetti and Lopez met in 2003 in New York City at renowned French chef Daniel Boulud’s db Bistro Moderne, where Sansonetti was a sous chef and she was a pastry chef. Sansonetti explained that Lopez’s well-rounded restaurant skills make her a key utility player who can work wherever she’s needed.

“She has so many great abilities and is so talented in so many different ways,” he said. “She can walk behind the hot line and help out the kitchen on the savory side, but the kitchen work is only one small facet of what she does. When we had our restaurants early on, I was amazed by her care for the guests and how she could talk to people and handle certain situations in the front of the house.”

Still, the rigors of restaurant life make it hard sometimes for couple-owners to fully appreciate their partners, let alone be lovey-dovey.

“Working with your loved one can be a challenge in this business,” Rubin said. “The hours are long, the stress level is high. We have to remember that business is business, and we can’t let it affect our personal life.”

“My father was a chef for 26-plus years, and he never wanted me to go into this business,” Sansonetti said. “He and my mom got divorced, and my dad was a nice guy. Restaurant and hospitality stuff is hard on relationships. I got lucky and found Ilma.”

Yet couples can also discover wonderful things about each other during intensely stressful times.

“During COVID, Damian just blew me away,” Lopez said. To stay afloat, the couple was forced to close their beloved, tiny Italian restaurant Piccolo on Middle Street in July 2020, and had to develop a takeout program at Chaval on the fly. “I had days where I’m like, ‘One more day like this and I’m going to lose it.’ But the fact that Damian didn’t seem fazed by it because he knew he had to do it for our family, it was unbelievable. I knew he had my back. When I was about to crumble, he wasn’t.

“So many relationships fell through during COVID because you’re with that person all the time, and you get to see the worst in them,” she continued. “But I saw the best in Damian. He was wonderful.”

‘YOU REALLY ARE NEVER OFF’

One of the biggest challenges for couples who own restaurants is finding a way to disconnect from work when they’re technically off the job.

“What’s unique about ownership in the hospitality industry is that you really are never off,” Pliny Reynolds said. “If we had a design business together, it would be more 9 to 5, we’d really be able to clock in and clock out. But a restaurant like Ocotillo that operates from 8 in the morning to 9 o’clock at night, and over weekends, it is more difficult in this industry to totally unplug.”

“Terlingua is open seven days a week, from 12 to 9 for the public, but people are in the space from 5 a.m. until midnight,” his wife added. “And anytime during those hours, we could get a call about something or something could happen.

“We’re always talking about work,” she continued. “On the weekend or at night when we’re back together at home, we’re talking about work. It’s hard not to. It’s very rare that we’re fully unplugged or in the moment. I’m always trying to figure out a solution to an issue that has popped up, and every day there’s always a list of things that pop up.”

“There are a lot of days where we wake up in the morning and first thing we’re talking about work, and right before we go to bed, we’re still talking about work,” Lewiecki said, noting that she walks her dog in the woods daily to “reset and ground” herself, and encourages Rubin to take some quiet time each day to decompress. They also make sure to spend time together whenever possible on activities they both love, like skiing and playing basketball.

At this point in their restaurant careers, the Reynolds say they’ve been able to craft their work schedules so that they can have dinner with their kids — Luna, 11, and Clark, 8 — every night. “We spend a lot of quality time eating at home,” Melanie said. “Pliny cooks a lot of amazing meals for us. And he and I make it a point to go out for dinner dates or take an overnight trip where we’ll go check out some restaurants.”

“Anytime we find a little window of time, even if it’s meeting up for breakfast after school drop-off in the morning, we are able to reinvest in each other a little bit,” Pliny said.

“You try to take advantage of any moment you can to be together or do family stuff,” Sansonetti said. “You’re never going to have the perfect balance. We talk to our team about them having a good balance and taking time off when they need to. We’re trying to get more into that ourselves, also, and make time for a date night once a month.”

MUTUAL SUPPORT

Despite the ceaseless demands, owning and running restaurants with your spouse has its advantages, too.

“I get to spend more time with my wife than the average person, who only sees them in the morning or night,” said Rubin, who married Lewiecki last August. They’d been engaged since early 2020, but postponed the wedding first because of the pandemic, then because they were launching Bar Futo and building their house in Freeport. It was still tricky to squeeze in the nuptials last summer, as they were relaunching Mr. Tuna.

“We get to celebrate our victories together, not just one person celebrating the other,” Rubin said.

“We get to experience the highs and lows together,” Lewiecki added. “I’m really grateful for this life we’ve been able to build from a tiny little food cart, and we did it together. The two of us have come a really long way, and it’s been challenging but really rewarding at the same time.”

From a practical standpoint, it can also be convenient to have a work partner who understands your needs outside of the workplace.

“If there’s something that pops up, I know I can count on Pliny to get through the day — he’s got my back, and there’s a real level of security in that,” Melanie Reynolds said.

Damian Sansonetti and Ilma Lopez in their popular cafe, Ugly Duckling, in October 2024. “Restaurant and hospitality stuff is hard on relationships,” Sansonetti says. “I got lucky and found Ilma.” Michele McDonald/Photo Editor

Sansonetti said working with Lopez allows him the flexibility to spend more time with their kids. “Men don’t get to spend as much time with their kids as they’d want. I get to make them dinner, play games, color, paint. I really appreciate the times when I can put them to bed and read them books to go to sleep. We run restaurants, but we also want to be there for our families when we can.”

Lopez said she appreciates knowing she’s not going to be second-guessed when she needs to leave work for her kids’ sake. “Let’s say I get a call and need to pick up my kids at school. I can say, ‘Sansonetti, I need to go.’ And he will never be like, ‘What’s going on? Do you really have to leave right now?'”

As Sansonetti puts it, “You don’t have to worry about when life happens.”

“You’re with the person that supports your dreams, and that’s super important,” Lopez added. “I can tell Damian, ‘Hey I’m going away for three days to New York City to cook at wherever,’ and he’d be like, ‘Oh, awesome!’ I don’t have to explain myself to him when it comes to work, and vice-versa. Having someone like that is pretty special.”

Sansonetti’s favorite part of having his wife as his business and work partner?

“I get to work with my best friend.”