In September, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy visited the University of Southern Maine in Portland and reminded us that we’re in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Maybe you’ve heard about it, read about it, or pondered it yourself.

Murthy has emphasized that loneliness isn’t just a painful feeling — it’s a serious public health issue, one that threatens our individual and collective well-being on multiple levels. He pointed out in his report that lacking social connections increases our risk of premature death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Alarm bells are ringing. We have a significant societal challenge on our hands.

But what are we doing about it here in Maine?

I have a vision for how we can address this. I believe we can come together and take intentional steps toward building stronger, more meaningful connections. I envision creating infrastructure within our communities that supports these connections — physical spaces where we can meet, listen to different viewpoints and stay deeply rooted in ourselves. To start, I’ve rented a community studio room in Falmouth since August. It’s a gathering space for you, for me, for all of us.

Think about it: where in our communities are there spaces that welcome everyone, foster a true sense of belonging, and are specifically designed to build relationships, the kind of relationships that are vital to our well-being? These spaces wouldn’t just facilitate shallow connections. They’d nurture meaningful, unfiltered, intentional relationships — the kind that are real, vulnerable, and yes, sometimes awkward — not the superficial interactions we get from scrolling or liking online.

We need to find our way back to each other. To do that, we need innovation in how we build and nurture relationships.

I recently heard Simon Sinek, author and speaker, discuss how most things we want these days are available instantly. Hungry? There’s fast food and DoorDash. Single and dateless? Download an app and swipe away. Have a question? Text or Google, and you’ll get an answer in seconds. But some things can’t be rushed. Meaningful relationships — true connections — are on that short list.

Building relationships takes time. Want a true sense of community? You have to show up, again and again. There are no quick fixes. Perhaps this is one reason we’re facing a loneliness epidemic. We’ve been conditioned to expect instant gratification, but when relationships get hard and require deeper commitment, do we back away?

In 2022, my intuition led me to move to Maine. After an 11-year marriage and adjusting to life as a single mom with two kids in a new school, I found myself friendless and isolated. It became my mission to build community. Rarely did I let a weekend go by without trying something new, an event, a group, anything to connect with people. I met many wonderful people, but I longed for something deeper, something more meaningful than the lighter, less connected spaces I found myself in.

My mission now is to create a space here in Maine where we all truly belong — a place where there’s no pressure to think alike or fit in, where we can stand in our individuality, yet feel deeply connected through shared vulnerability.

This grassroots effort has required courage, long-term commitment, and yes, plenty of heartache. I’ve gathered people together to talk about ways to improve relationships, explore the concept of surrender, learn how to tap into their intuition and write. There have been groups focused on healing shame, and groups aimed at bringing singles together for meaningful connections — since the apps aren’t providing this. And there are many more groups to come.

I want to learn from you: what do you want to see offered in our community?

Just recently, I found myself in tears again, feeling sad that more group offerings I’ve put out there likely won’t happen. Sometimes people sign up; sometimes they don’t. When people do gather, the connection is always transformative, but the space between those moments feels like a desert, waiting for even a single drop of water. It’s painful to believe in this vision of connection and so often feel rejected or disconnected. But I won’t give up. I can’t give up. We need this in Maine. We need this in the world.

After these recent tears and a good sleep, my next step became clear: Many of us don’t even know our neighbors. Our neighbors may be just as lonely as we are. So, I reached out to mine. I started the day with an uplifting call with one, followed by scheduling a visit with another for later that week. A few messages sent to others. I want to connect with my neighbors, and I want to learn what they want to see in our community. What are their greatest relationship challenges? It’s time to build relationships with my very own neighbors.

If we’re going to address the loneliness epidemic, we must take action.