Memorial Day, like many of our holidays, is a time of rituals, of speeches, ceremonies, parades and barbecues.

Founded in the aftermath of the Civil War, Memorial Day is a day to honor the dead, particularly those who have sacrificed their lives in wars.

For most of us, Memorial Day is not a time for quiet reflection. It’s a three-day weekend that marks the start of the summer. It’s a time to begin preparing for the arrival of tourists. For others, it’s an opportunity to travel or to break out the grill.

It’s not for lack of character that most of us focus on our lives rather than on those who are no longer with us. It’s human nature. Most of us, thankfully, have not had to witness someone dying in combat. Many of us might not even know someone who has died in a war. We might know of someone – an uncle or a grandfather we never met, or a person we read about in the paper. Try as we might, though, it’s difficult to fully feel the absence of someone who was never really present for us.

That’s why some of the most devoted attendees at Memorial Day ceremonies are veterans. For them, the memories are often all too real. That’s why they walk through cemeteries each year placing flags on the headstones of veterans or salute the flag at a ceremony or parade. They can perhaps remember a face, a name or people they knew well who sacrificed everything. Here’s what the rest of us know about them: They are not here.

That they will not be celebrating this Memorial Day is obvious, but how many holidays did they miss? How many birthdays, vacations, anniversaries, births, deaths? How many cookouts? How many days under the sun?

It’s almost impossible to fathom, particularly when you multiply by thousands the erased trajectory of each of those lives. It’s one of the paradoxes of history; it’s easy to know the numbers, the dates, the people and the speeches, but almost impossible to know the full weight of the experience.

Even now, as wars continue in Iraq and Afghanistan, for many of us, what happens there could not be further from our minds, particularly when we’re worried about paying the mortgage and holding onto a job.

There are many ways to honor those who have died this Memorial Day. Most communities in Maine hold parades and ceremonies. If you can’t make it to one of those, perhaps a separate trip to a local cemetery is in order or a few moments of quiet contemplation.

We suggest another way, a Memorial Day resolution of sorts – to mark each day with quiet gratitude and to live a life deserving of so many sacrifices.

Brendan Moran, editor