Lucius Flatley, ex-grand master of the West Gorham Grange and respected entomologist, recently put his mind to the world food-shortage problem.

Not disappointing his friends at the coffee shop, he devised a practical, scientifically sound proposal that would go a long way toward easing starvation in Africa and other unhappy places, as well as reducing food prices for Americans.

Further, his scheme would enable Maine to be at the forefront in making the U.S. a world leader in something besides nuclear submarines, civilian bombing casualties, sniper fire and prison occupancy.

His study revealed that invertebrate animals with external skeletons and well-defined body parts are the answer. Properly produced, processed, prepared, packaged and parceled out, these can provide not only the level of roughage considered desirable by the AARP, but also can produce half the world’s need for protein, minerals and vitamins. For example, 100 grams of dry cricket contain 1,550 milligrams of iron, 25 mg of zinc and 340 mg of calcium. While not quite as fecund as crickets, ants, termites and beetles are also high in these desirable qualities. And that’s only a sample of the hundreds of potential lunches surrounding us right here in Maine every day.

Maine is well-known for lobsters, crabs and shrimp. These ocean folks are arthropods, members of the phylum which includes insects. Consider them cousins. They are seagoing animals which cannibalize one another and eat all sorts of dead things – something most insects refuse to do. Yet gourmands near and far cherish them. Why not a dried, crushed, and baked honeybee loaf? Taste, as any mother of an 8-year-old can tell you – is an acquired talent.

Flatley suggested that an entomophagous society is really nothing new. Humans have been consuming insects since at least Adam and Eve – and quite likely much longer. In modern times, many grown men remember youthful bug-dining experiments, such as the “sour bugs” that could be found under old boards. Prepared with spices and flavoring, insects surely can taste no worse than Brussels sprouts, grits, poi, couscous, brains or – for those of us who remember their French/Canadian ancestry – plain lard.

What baseball fan cares to examine closely the contents of the typical hot dog? How about lips, noses, lungs, ears and ill-used penile morsels?

Flatley pointed out that the move toward entomophagy in the U.S. may already be under.way. Government clean-food agencies currently permit “insect allowances” in many foods. For example, regulations accommodate 60 insect “fragments” in 600 grams of chocolates, and 30 in 100 grams of peanut butter – a practice that does not seem to have adversely affected either the quality or popularity of those delicacies. Think of it! Ant snippets in our morning Cheerios!

A company in Providence, R.I., known as Sunrise Land Shrimp currently supplies frozen and dried insects for lovers of this phylum – why not an insect farm or two here in the suburbs of greater Portland? Insect harvests might well become a golden opportunity for Gorham, Westbrook and Scarborough. Cape Elizabeth would no doubt be slow to come to the party and Scarborough would surely control the market for mosquitoes – as northern Maine would for black flies – but crickets, caterpillars, house or horse flies, ants, cicadas, grasshoppers, spiders, water bugs, earwigs, dragonflies, termites, bees, wasps, hornets, ticks, fleas, mites – to name a few – might have market potential for some communities.

Vegans might even come on board if they thought the idea was far out enough – and they could be very helpful in marketing. Most of them are thin and in good shape from jogging and tai chi. They could be the poster children for TV advertising.

In the developing world, rather than fighting locusts with poison (which is never very successful anyway), people could be trained to hunt them for food – and thus kill two locusts with one bite.

Remember: Sheep, cows, chickens, pigs don’t try to eat us – but most bugs fight to get the chance. By adopting a Bush doctrine of preemptive war toward these bug terrorists, we would help provide our security as we contribute toward the feeding of our planet.

Silverfish today, tomorrow the world.

Rodney Quinn, who lives in Gorham, is a former Maine secretary of state. He can be reached at [email protected].