DEAR HARRIETTE: Many years ago, one of my closest friends came out to me as gay. This didn’t change our relationship much, and I supported him as he began to date men. As fate would have it, we both moved to Chicago to start new jobs and now live a short distance away from each other. We’re having a great time and are both dating around, except now he exclusively dates women. We double date and talk about women now as though he forgot that he is attracted to men.

I have let it slide and never confronted him about staying honest to women about his sexuality. If he continues to have girlfriends, should I say something to him? I don’t want him leading women on if he isn’t truly attracted to them. The consequences could get messy. – Where’s the Truth, Chicago

DEAR WHERE’S THE TRUTH: Stop avoiding the elephant in the room and just ask him, when you are alone, what the deal is. Since he confided in you before, you have the right to ask. He may honestly choose to date women exclusively now. Find out where he stands. If your hidden worry is about his health, you can ask him that too. The reality, though, is that anyone who is sexually active should regularly be tested for sexually transmitted infections. So, rather than asking the question only of him, you should be checking yourself as well. Approach the health question that way, and you are likely to get an honest answer.

As it relates to what your friend tells his dates, it is not your business to reveal your friend’s sexual history to anyone. You can suggest that he do so.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather is in his 70s. At his age, some of his closest friends have passed away. I want to help my grandfather make more friends because I am so saddened by his losses. I could never imagine losing my supportive friends.

I don’t even know how to get this endeavor started. I mentioned to my grandpa that he should find some new friends, and he got defensive, saying he has all he needs. I just want him to stay social and not feel lonely. How can I make friends for my grandpa? – Older Social Butterfly, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR OLDER SOCIAL BUTTERFLY: You should listen to your grandfather. He knows himself. Unless he starts acting reclusive or otherwise different, do not assume that he is in need of friends. Having grandchildren is a huge blessing for older people. Your presence in his life is likely far more important than a reduced number of friendships. Young people keep older people vital. My strongest recommendation would be to commit to spending more time with your grandfather, whether it’s talking on the phone, going on visits or simply being together.

Outside of that, if your grandfather ever expresses interest in broadening his activities, look for a senior center in his area. Many of these centers offer daytime engagements that can be fun and uplifting for their participants.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.