DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew struggled to complete high school, really finding himself in a mess in his last year. His parents were so upset with his behavior that they were constantly at their wits’ ends. Both parents developed health challenges as a result of it. They are hoping that their son will go into the military, as that will allow him to be gainfully employed and cultivate discipline. The thing is, he doesn’t want to go. I’m afraid that if he stays at home without a plan or a job, his parents will not be able to manage. They have asked me to speak to him to try to convince him to go. What can I say? – Wayward Nephew, Detroit

DEAR WAYWARD NEPHEW: Since your family has given you permission to speak to their son, go for it. Start by congratulating him on graduating high school. Ask him what he plans to do afterward. Listen to see if he has a plan. Know that he may decide to go into the military, even though he has not said as much to his parents. He may also have another idea. If he has no plan, that’s when you can encourage him to go into the military, as his parents have suggested. You can further let him know that his parents do not plan to support him if he does not show some initiative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My preteen daughter is beginning to grow hair on her legs and in her armpits. She has asked me if she can begin to shave, because she is uncomfortable with the hair. I am reluctant to allow her to shave so early. Once you start, there’s no turning back. But it is true that she is becoming pretty hairy. I have spoken to a couple of other moms from her class. One girl already does her eyebrows so that she won’t have a “unibrow.” That mother said she definitely helps her daughter to shave. Another mom lets her daughter shave her armpits. I don’t know what to do. This was not an issue when I was growing up. – To Shave, Cincinnati

DEAR TO SHAVE: The time when a child begins to shave is a very personal decision having everything to do with personal choice, comfort and hygiene. For some children, it can be hard to keep body odor down if they have excessive hair under their arms. You may want to assist your daughter in occasional underarm shaving or invest in some antiperspirant. Because she has expressed interest in shaving, you will have to decide when and if the hair is so visible that it makes her uncomfortable. You are right that once you start shaving, it can be hard to stop. Look for depilatories or other gentle ways of hair removal other than using a razor.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.