DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is riddled with divorce. Practically every couple in two generations has split. Remarriages occur and create happy family members. My brother has been single for years after a string of bad relationships following a divorce. His ex moved the children to another state, and he works himself to the bone to be able to provide for them. I feel bad for him; it seems like he doesn’t have any hobbies or happiness in his life.

I am getting remarried soon, so he will be the only single sibling. He got himself three cats recently, which I was against because it prohibits him moving freely. How can I involve my brother in my life to make sure he’s doing all right? I’ve been working on trying to get him to move to my state, but to no avail. – Building His Life Up, Boulder, Colorado

DEAR BUILDING HIS LIFE UP: Divorce is hard on the whole family and usually friends, too, so it’s natural that you would like to figure out how to comfort your brother as you and the rest of the family seem to have moved on. As you attempt to help him, do know that you cannot spark happiness in his life – nor is it your responsibility.

That said, you can make an effort. Invite him to join you for a sibling date. Invite him to come to visit you. Or suggest a sibling date without your spouse – just you two or you and your other siblings – where you go someplace fun and spend time together. Insist that he show up, and make sure that your life doesn’t get too busy for you to go. Stay connected. That’s what you can do.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister’s birthday is coming up soon. We celebrate by going to dinner. In the past, my sister would tell us where she wanted to go. This year, she said she doesn’t care about where we go and to pick a place that I like. This leaves me at a crossroads. I could give her a selection of restaurants to choose from, or I could surprise her. We have some overlapping cuisines that we both enjoy; however, our tastes do vary.

Should I bother her with more restaurant selections to make sure her birthday is as perfect as possible? Would it be bad manners to pick my favorite restaurant, since she doesn’t care? – Birthday Eats, Baltimore

DEAR BIRTHDAY EATS: Consider that your sister is telling you the truth. You can double-check by telling her that you are making a reservation at your favorite restaurant. Ask if she thinks she would like that. As long as you believe there are menu choices that she would enjoy, you are probably fine. Just make sure that you do something special that night. Select a dessert that you think she would love, and set it up to have the waiter bring it out with a candle so you can serenade her!

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.