DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a bit of a modern wedding. My fiance and I are 46 and 56, respectively, and this is the second marriage for each of us. We went to our church and set a date for October. We invited 20 people to this small gathering, mostly family, since we each have several children. We plan on having a reception in the spring.

How should I go about sending out invitations for this reception? We will be married and living together by the time we have our larger celebration, but we still want friends and family to be able to come together and meet each other. – New Vows, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR NEW VOWS: Create an invitation that states that you are having an intimate wedding ceremony. Be specific on the envelope as to who is being invited – name each person. Follow up with a call to your guests, letting them know that you are excited to get married and want them to know that they are part of a very small group who have been invited to witness their union. Ask them to keep your wedding in confidence so as to honor the sanctity of the experience. You can also let them know that you will be having a reception in the spring, and you will send those invitations at that time.

As far as your reception invitations, say just that – it’s a reception to celebrate your October wedding. Having small wedding ceremonies and larger celebrations is a common practice these days.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate. In order to celebrate my accomplishment, my mom decided to throw me a barbecue and invite her friends as well as mine. Some of the presents were cash in a card, others were checks, and some were jewelry. I was incredibly grateful for everything I received.

While I was writing my thank-you notes, I noticed that some of my cards were missing the cash that was put in them. I think my mother took some of my graduation presents in order to cover the food costs of the barbecue. A guest couldn’t have stolen the money – I put the gifts in my room after the party myself. Should I confront my mother? I don’t even want the money back. I just want to know if she is the culprit. – Sticky Fingers, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: You should definitely tell your mother what you discovered. Do not confront her. Tell her that you were writing your thank-you cards and noticed that the cash in several of the cards was missing. Ask her if she knows anything about it. If she seems agitated but not forthcoming, you can add that you had the thought that she may have needed it to pay for the barbecue. Tell her that if that is what happened, it’s fine. You were just worried about what happened to the money.

If you truly are fine with not having the money – regardless of the reason – let it go, even if your mother does not admit to taking it. If you can let it go, do so.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.