DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a bit of a foodie, and I enjoy collecting cookbooks that adorn a bookshelf by my kitchen. I know that I can just look up a recipe on the Internet, but I enjoy having my tried and true recipes on the page in front of me. A few of my friends have asked to borrow a cookbook when they come over. I have over a hundred of these books, so I didn’t think twice about letting some of my friends borrow my cookbooks.

After a few months, I began to get suspicious. I reached out to my friends … and only one out of the four said she would give my book back to me! The rest couldn’t find it or had loaned it to other people. I just said to let me know when they get the books back.

In reality, I’m pretty annoyed that my friends disrespected my belongings like this. I want to lay down the law and demand they give me the book or pay me back. What should I say when I call them? – No Library Card, St. Louis

DEAR NO LIBRARY CARD: When you value something, hold on to it. That is the lesson you just learned. Since your cookbooks are precious to you, you must treat them like that all the time. That could mean allowing them to be borrowed only if you sign them out like library books, with clearly defined penalties.

Better yet, do not lend them. You can allow friends to record recipes by hand or take a photo with their phones. But if you do not let the books leave your home, you will always have them.

As for the friends who have not returned cookbooks, do not charge them a fine, but do tell them that you are terribly disappointed and that you expect them to return the books.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: This past week, a friend from out of town stayed over with me. She’s from a fairly rural area, so she was excited to see my urban environment. Originally, she was to come for a three-day weekend; she changed her plans suddenly the week before her arrival so she would be here from a Monday to a Thursday.

I had already agreed to have her stay with me, but I told her I would have to be at work. She told me she understood; however, during her time in my home, she seemed bored. My house is walking distance to a train, and I gave her a list of activities to do when I was gone. She seemed so bored whenever I came home, and she revealed to me that she didn’t leave during the day. I felt bad that her experience left her wishes for her “city time” unfulfilled.

My friend left yesterday, and I am wondering if I should send her an apology of some sort. – Worst Hostess, Chicago

DEAR WORST HOSTESS: Remember that you informed your friend of your availability. Do not beat yourself up or apologize. Instead, if your friend chooses to come again, be sure to control the time of the visit to ensure that you are available to entertain her during that period. Say no to extended dates.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.