DEAR HARRIETTE: My budget is a little tight this year, and I can’t provide the extravagant birthday presents I’ve been able to in years prior. Upon opening my gift, one of my friends looked at me and said, “What would I even use this for?” I had gotten her a plant in a colorcoordinated pot to match her living room as well as an amusing coaster set and a card. I felt incredibly put on the spot and said she could use it for everyday life. She looked unimpressed. This happened in front of a small group, and I couldn’t believe her bad manners. I couldn’t afford anything grandiose, but I thought my presents were all right – I wouldn’t mind receiving them! I am wondering if I shouldn’t have skipped presents this year and said I was broke. Another friend’s birthday is in a little over a month, and I’m debating between giving a less expensive gift or admitting my financial hardships. Are presents the way to celebrate a birthday, even if they’re unappreciated? – Presently Baffled, Detroit

DEAR PRESENTLY BAFFLED: Be honest with your friends. Tell them that your finances are tight and you can’t afford expensive gifs anymore. Rather than finding yourself in a position like this again, change your gift-giving policy to heartfelt cards and skip the gifts altogether. In this way, you show your love without needlessly attempting to show the size of your wallet.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my daughter at her university this past weekend and realized she had gained the dreaded freshman 15. I didn’t say anything to my daughter, but my girlfriend and I agreed that she’s gained weight in the 6 weeks she’s been gone. My daughter called me after a doctor’s visit during the week and was shocked to learn she had gained 13 pounds. Her pants are too tight on her and she said that she needs new clothing, but I think she should lose the weight she gained from late-night snacking on pizza so she can fit into the clothes she owns. My girlfriend told me to be more sympathetic. I think if my daughter can gain the weight, she can lose it, too. Am I being unreasonable? – Disapproving Dad, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DISAPPROVING DAD: Now is not the time to scold your daughter or make her suffer in clothing that is too small. College is a challenge in and of itself. Yes, your daughter has lessons to learn, including what to eat when she is up late at night studying. The best way for you to support your daughter is to be present for her. The fact that she called to tell you what the doctor reported shows that she trusts you and feels comfortable confiding in you. Be gentle as you talk to her and recommend healthier choices for her. Suggest that she join a sport at school or go to the gym to move her body. Buy her a couple of size-appropriate outfits, but suggest that she keep her old clothes as she tries to get back to her regular size.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.