DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an extremely argumentative friend, Alex. It is embarrassing to me, and I never find his bravado courageous or his cursing intimidating. For example, Alex found out one of his friends was talking about another friend behind his back. Alex walked out into the hallway, a more public setting, and began calling the wronged friend. The conversation went something like, “I don’t give a f–-, he is a piece of s–-. I’m going to f–-ing hit him so hard, he’ll know to never mess with us!” No one was impressed with this method of dealing with the issue. Nobody believes he will follow through, and Alex is simply too dramatic. Should I casually call him out or let him continue in his macho facade? – Call Your Bluff, Washington, D.C.

DEAR CALL YOUR BLUFF: On one hand, with the example you gave, you can see that Alex was attempting to stand up for the wronged friend. And yet, he did so in an out-of-control way. Perhaps you can speak to him through the voice of compassion. Tell him that you believe that he has good intentions when he goes off about things, but it disturbs you greatly. Give him a couple of specific examples along with your interpretation of what was embarrassing or disturbing about his behavior. Do not assume that he will understand. If he did, he wouldn’t be behaving that way in the first place. In the end, know that people are the way they are. If he offends you all the time, it may be wise for you to spend less time with him.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a great experience volunteering at an interfaith center. I helped to prepare a luncheon, and the women from the center were impressed with me. They asked about my previous volunteer work and told me how happy they would be to have me come back. Then the conversation became uncomfortable when the women asked me what faith and place of worship I belonged to. I am not religious and I told them as kindly as I could, but there was a noticeable shift in the conversation. Was I wrong to volunteer at the center in the first place? I have never known of religious restrictions for volunteers, and I certainly would have respected whatever boundaries were in place. Now there are more volunteer opportunities at the interfaith center, and I do not know what to do. I want to help others, but do not want to be judged or unwelcome because of my religious beliefs. Should I focus on the aid or find a different project? – Charitable Confusion, Albany, New York

DEAR CHARITABLE CONFUSION: You are correct that this charity should not judge you based on your personal religious beliefs. It is likely that they were not trying to judge you. In the space of friendly conversation, the other volunteers stumbled upon information that put you at odds with each other. Speak to the director of the interfaith center, and describe what happened. Describe how much you enjoyed your time, and ask if you should still feel welcome. If the center cannot work with you toward that goal, find another place to volunteer.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.