I have an admission to make. I forgot to make sure that my dog was registered. Kind of skipped my mind. So, as luck would have it, the nice people at the Town Clerk’s Office sent me a reminder that I have a couple of weeks to make sure my little girl is registered, or I will incur penalties and the shame of the dog-owning world.

As I pondered when I was going to be able to walk into the Municipal Building, hat and checkbook in hand, I had a thought. When my wife and I had cats early on in our marriage we never had to register the felines. No one questioned whether they were spayed or neutered. No one cared. That got me to thinking about the laws that govern animals in our fair state.

Turns out that the state of Maine has scores of pages dictating everything from farm animals to your Pomeranian and everything in between. What is left off of the books for licensing and the like, yep, you guessed right, cats. Whether you own Morris the Cat or Grizabella there is no requirement that you pay to register your cat.

This seems patently absurd. The Division of Animal and Plant Health, which is within the Department of Agriculture, Conservation and Forestry (say that 10 times fast), states on their website’s FAQ some information about dogs in Maine. One of the statements is that no dog in Maine may run at large unless they are hunting. Rarely do I see dogs in my neighborhood running at large and my favorite pooch has never tasted life outside the house without her leash and a Crimmins holding onto it. However, I see a number of cats, especially one large black and white cat who roams through my yard terrorizing the squirrels.

Why is it OK for a cat to run roughshod over a neighborhood and not be licensed? The lobbying arm of Big Feline must be throwing around favors like it is catnip in Augusta.

So what else is regulated when it comes to animals in Maine? You would be surprised. As we head into fair season in Maine remember that if you want to have a pig scramble you better pay the man the fee and file an application at least 10 days before you start making bacon. There are stipulations about size and weight for the participants as well. Of course, I think they are talking about the porkers and not the kids though.

The state has a whole section of the law on the breeding and sale of small mammals. They are strict too. If you go to your local feed and farm store and pick up a pair of cute guinea pigs, you better heed the Offspring’s suggestion and “keep ‘em separated,” because any sort of late night dalliance will set you back more than $100 per violation if you are not licensed to be a guinea pig pimp.

Same goes for hamsters and rabbits. Once slight oversight with either of these two and you might as well hand over your paycheck when the bill comes in.

All the while there are cats just laughing it up as they search out their next date and a quick meal.

How are cats allowed to remain outside the reach of the local town clerk and the state of Maine? Why the discrimination against dogs?

While I have made light of it here in this column, it really is an honest question. If you are going to charge people a fee and, potentially, a fine for not licensing a dog in a certain amount of time why not a cat? Dogs, after all, are “man’s best friend,” so a break should be due right?

That’s my two cents…

Jonathan Crimmins can be reached at j_ [email protected]