A young woman goes in for her college interview, and her mother insists on coming into the interview. “What other colleges are you looking at?” the admissions officer asks the student. The mother answers, “We are looking at …” The daughter giggles. Then the admissions officer asks the student, “What are you thinking of majoring in?” The mother answers, “We are thinking of majoring in …” The daughter giggles. Then the daughter breaks wind. Loudly. “Excuse us!” says the mother. The daughter turns bright red.

That story may be apocryphal, but anyone who’s dealt with overprotective or pushy parents in admissions offices or school rooms or on athletic fields — or anywhere for that matter — swears that it rings true. Walk across any college campus today and you’ll see students with cell phones pressed to their ears talking, in all likelihood, to their mothers. Some students talk to — or text — their mothers at least once a day. Watch young parents hover over their babies or toddlers and you’ll understand the term “helicopter parent.” More than a few teachers have said to me, in effect, “I used to love teaching but the parents have taken all the fun and freedom out of it.”

Many people defend the practice of helicopter parenting by saying it’s a scary world out there. And, in truth, it has become scarier, especially since 9/11. But I do believe that we Americans have gone too far in putting protective cocoons around our kids, our homes, our country, our lives. Airline passengers fear getting blow up. Doctors fear getting sued. Everyone fears getting taken by computer scams. We’re too often guided by a “What if …” mentality. Lawyers, insurance executives and manipulative politicians get rich on the backs of our fears.

A recent news report confirms that protective cocoons can be porous, creating a false sense of security. Undercover agents managed to sneak mock explosives and banned weapons through airport security checks in 67 out of 70 tests! Yet we’ve spent millions of dollars training TSA officials and billions of minutes taking off shoes, putting shampoo bottles into plastic bags and pouring out water containers so that we’ll be “safe.”

After the horrific shooting of nine black parishioners in Charleston, South Carolina, some Neanderthal politicians claimed the damage would have been minimized if the parishioners had been armed with guns. (Those same Neanderthals advocated the arming of teachers after the Sandy Hook shootings, much to the delight of NRA goons.)

But back to parenting. I’m concerned that too many parents focus only on shallow goals, surface achievements. Get good grades. Get into a “good” school. Be a great athlete. Make lots of money. The unstated message: Do something which will give good bragging rights to the parent (meaning “me”).

But what about rewarding our kids for being good people? For living by the Golden Rule. For putting down the smartphones and looking people in the eye. For caring about the common good. If someone is bullying another kid in school, step in and stop it. If someone gives you a present, thank them. In writing! More than one person has told me that they no longer give presents to nieces, nephews or grandkids because they never get a single acknowledgment of the gift.

Yes, it’s a scary world out there, a competitive rat race. But if we only live to be safe, then we’re bound to fail. If we only strive for material success, then we’ll always fall short. If we never let our kids fall down, they’ll never be able to stand.

When my granddaughter, Emma, was 3 years old, she came downstairs wearing a brand new dress for her younger sister’s baptism. “You look beautiful, Emma!” I said. “I know,” Emma replied. Her mother quickly stepped in and said, “Now Emma, if someone gives you a compliment, you should smile and thank them.” Such lessons create beautiful human beings, whatever they wear, whatever their pedigree, whatever their bank accounts, whatever their college banner.

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David Treadwell, a Brunswick writer, welcomes comments or suggestions for future articles. [email protected].