
Recently, I’ve realized that I struggle to make friends for fear they’ll find out about my financial situation. Those who know only want to talk about money or treat me differently. Most of my peers are broke and it makes me feel guilty. Those with high incomes blow their money on fancy dinners and luxury vehicles. I’m just a working-class woman who likes driving my 10-year-old car, and I don’t feel like I fit in with anyone. In fact, I’m developing an anxiety.
A few months ago I went to the bank to deposit a large sum of money and was mortified to see that the bank teller was a friend of the family. I have gone to the extreme of lying about owning homes and going on vacations, and it’s making me crazy. I even have issues with letting my young daughter’s friends come over for playdates, for fear that the other moms will think our house is “too nice.” Do I need counseling or is this just a turning point in my life that I need to grasp?
— MONEY
WORRIES
DEAR MONEY WORRIES: If someone has to have money worries, yours are the nicest kind to have. It would be interesting to know how many successful people share your feelings, because I suspect that you are far from alone in experiencing them. (A psychiatrist once told me that many of her successful patients feel like frauds despite their considerable accomplishments.) A licensed mental health professional can help you to get past these feelings before they cause your daughter to be isolated, and I think the money would be well spent.
P.S. If you feel your banking transactions are not being kept confidential, either change financial institutions or arrange for private banking, which is available for high-net-worth individuals.
DEAR ABBY: I am raising two of my grandchildren because their parents can’t take care of them. The kids are still learning acceptable behavior because they were never taught.
I’ll give you an example of something that happens often: I was paying for an item at a store and my granddaughter sneaked behind the counter and reached into the display case. Cupcakes were involved. The saleslady asked her to stop. I immediately got a hold of my wayward offender, glued her to my side until I was finished and then made her apologize.
The problem was, the saleslady immediately said, “Oh, it’s OK.” I then had to ask the saleslady to please NOT tell my granddaughter that it was OK, but instead to accept my granddaughter’s apology, because my granddaughter really would think it WAS OK. Your thoughts?
— RAISING
GRANDKIDS
DEAR RAISING: I think the salesperson was simply being polite and professional, and that those children are lucky to have such a caring grandmother watching out for them.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com
Comments are not available on this story. Read more about why we allow commenting on some stories and not on others.
We believe it's important to offer commenting on certain stories as a benefit to our readers. At its best, our comments sections can be a productive platform for readers to engage with our journalism, offer thoughts on coverage and issues, and drive conversation in a respectful, solutions-based way. It's a form of open discourse that can be useful to our community, public officials, journalists and others.
We do not enable comments on everything — exceptions include most crime stories, and coverage involving personal tragedy or sensitive issues that invite personal attacks instead of thoughtful discussion.
You can read more here about our commenting policy and terms of use. More information is also found on our FAQs.
Show less