Every few months, it seems that a Bowdoin student is caught going to — or throwing — a party where attendees are encouraged to wear an ethnicity or culture as a costume. In the days and weeks that follow, questions are posed by people on and off campus about what racism really means, who is guilty of racist behavior and who — if anyone — is being “too sensitive” or “too P.C.” about the issue.

Regardless of what question is being asked, the ensuing conversation is always emotionally charged. Racism is something we can all agree exists, but we can’t seem to agree on where it’s happening, how it’s happening and to whom.

We live in one of the whitest states in the country. As a white woman who has lived in Maine all her life, I can’t say what a person of color experiences here, and it would be wrong of me to try. All I can talk about is my own experience.

I am someone who feels that Maine should be a place where people of all walks of life can feel safe and comfortable — as safe and comfortable as I get to feel every day. I feel that we can all do a better job in our collective quest to meet that goal, so I will speak to that.

In my experience talking to other (predominantly white) people about race, I feel that a lot of us tend to see racism as something outside of ourselves. We know that racism exists, but we know in our hearts that we are not racist ourselves. For a lot of us, that’s where thinking about race stops. “I’m personally not racist, so my work here is done.”

But that is not all the work it takes to avoid being a part of the problem.

The work of creating a world where people of all races feel safe and valued has little to do with what we as white people think about ourselves. Instead, it has to do with treating all cultures with respect, and supporting the voices and experiences of people of color whenever we can — because they are so often silenced or ignored.

Part of the “fun” of the most recent Bowdoin student-attended party was getting drunk on tequila while wearing a sombrero and a fake mustache. Whether or not the people dressing up in those costumes intended any harm is irrelevant — their actions were insensitive to Mexican culture and, because of that, contributed to a culture of racism.

The right thing for a person to do when they’ve done something racially insensitive is to admit they made a mistake, apologize for the harm they’ve caused and act with more sensitivity in the future. It’s that simple. Unfortunately for many offenders, a thick layer of denial and fragility can stand in the way.

The term “racist” is one that nobody takes lightly. For some, admitting that they’ve been insensitive feels like an admission that they may be racist in some way — and that doesn’t feel good. But while it’s important to remember that making an insensitive mistake doesn’t make someone a bad or irredeemable person, we also need to acknowledge that with a little bit of thought and sensitivity, mistakes like this are easy to avoid. It just takes some work.

Being an ally and friend to people of color isn’t something that just happens — it is an active process. Unlearning and combating the racist messages, ideas and stereotypes that permeate our culture is something a person has to actively and thoughtfully participate in. Part of that process is listening to people of color and honoring their voices — even if they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear.

We lose nothing by ditching the fake mustaches and sombreros — but what we gain is being one step closer to a more inclusive world.

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Alicia Bane is deputy managing editor for The Times Record, and can be reached at [email protected]