My grandmother, who is in her 70s, has been taking care of my son full time while I work, but her health isn’t the greatest now. I don’t trust any of the day care in my area and can’t afford one anyway.
I really want to be a stayat home mom, but still feel obligated to help bring in money. How do I get over my guilt for not wanting to work outside the home full time?
— STUCK IN DELAWARE
DEAR STUCK: You are not the only mother who feels this kind of ambivalence. Many others are as torn as you are.
Perhaps it would help if you focus harder on thinking about this rationally rather than emotionally. When your grandmother’s health no longer allows her to care for your son, you may have to cut back on your schedule to be with him — or your husband may need to take a second job. Also, some people manage to work from home, and you may want to explore those opportunities.
DEAR ABBY: My son is more than likely going to win a trip to the Dominican Republic through his employer. He’s planning to take his wife with him. Their two children will stay with me or their other grandma.
With the way the world is now, I wouldn’t go on a vacation with my husband, fly to another country and leave my children behind. I would let him go alone so that in case something happens, my kids would have at least one parent left.
I understand that we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take logical precautions. My children would be more important to me than a vacation. What is your opinion on this?
— LIVING IN THE
REAL WORLD
DEAR LIVING: My opinion is that you should stay out of it, and let your son and daughter-in-law enjoy that hard-earned vacation. If they were visiting a country where the threat level was high, I might think differently. However, to repeat what you said in your letter, “we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do” because we are afraid of what “might” happen. That’s not living; it is hiding.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com
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