DEAR ABBY: Christmas is coming, and I dread it. I have only my brother, his wife and their kids. I’m on Social Security disability and I barely make it each month. They buy me gifts, but I feel embarrassed to accept them because I can’t buy anything for them. It makes me feel small.

Even though I have nothing to offer my nieces, my brother and sister-in-law persuade me to go anyway. They are financially much better off than I am.

I lost my wife a year ago. I see everyone else having someone in their lives and I feel alone. There’s just me and my dog now. The holidays hurt. What can I do?

— MISERABLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISERABLE: You have something to give to your relatives. It’s the gift of your PRESENCE. If you have a talent, share it with them.

Because this is your first Christmas without your wife, it’s no wonder you feel alone. At this time of year, many people do. A way to lessen the sense of isolation would be to do something for someone else. If you’re able, volunteer at a food bank, a homeless shelter, a senior center. It will give you less time to brood, and you will feel welcome and needed.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a “gentleman.” He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink.

As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today ARE different from those of the past, and my guess it’s because the pierced and tattooed gals today speak and act like sailors, therefore ruining it for the rest of us. Am I right?

— PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: No. You need to speak up! The RULES OF DATING have changed over the last decades. Many women expect — and prefer — to pay for their own meal and drinks on a first date. It has nothing to do with whether they are tattooed or use four-letter words. They like their independence, and sometimes earn more than their dates do.

DEAR ABBY: After 25 years of marriage, my wife no longer wants to shave her legs. She is starting to look like a gorilla. I think it’s a slap in the face. She says it has nothing to do with me. I don’t know if I should move to another zoo or buy her some bananas.

— PEEVED IN POUGHKEEPSIE

DEAR PEEVED: This may be your wife’s way of rebelling, just as some retired men forgo shaving because they no longer “have” to. Or, the winters in Poughkeepsie may be so cold she feels she needs the insulation. Stay in the zoo you’re used to — after all, it’s home. (If it’s causing problems in your marital relations, close your eyes and pretend it’s cashmere.)

DEAR ABBY: Would it be a breach of etiquette to enclose a self-addressed, stamped (blank) thank-you note with gifts I plan to send to my grandchildren, since they do not respond when I mail them gifts or cards?

— GRANDMA IN MARSHFIELD, MO.

DEAR GRANDMA: I think it’s a great idea as a last resort — and no, it would not be a breach of etiquette to do so.

DEAR ABBY: Our 7- year-old grandson has been a handful since he was able to walk. He has been sneaky and has told lies for as long as any of us can remember. He has been suspended from school more than 10 times for various things. He stole several hundred dollars from his mom’s purse and took it to school so he would have money to buy snacks. He stays awake longer than everyone else in the house so he can take things and hide them in his closet.

He knows what he does is wrong, but it doesn’t bother him. He is also abusive to his disabled sister. It is hard to imagine that a 7-year-old could give hate-filled looks that you don’t even see from adults. I’m afraid at the rate he is going, he will seriously hurt someone or be hurt himself.

He also has a very big heart. That is why we don’t understand what is going wrong in this little boy’s head. Please help if you can.

— GRANDMA OF A BULLY

DEAR GRANDMA: Your grandson’s behavior may have something to do with the fact his disabled sibling needs more of his parents’ attention. Or he may have serious emotional problems. The boy needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional so his parents will understand what’s driving his behavior, and it can be addressed. Please don’t wait.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com