I am taking a vacation but before I do I just want to report a little good news and a whole lot of bad news from headlines of last week.

I may even do a little (wink, wink) gambling at Foxwoods so that I can bring some Connecticut money back to Maine. Come to think of it, I should have written this column a few weeks ago to see if anyone wanted to invest some money in my gambling expertise. Please don’t tell the IRS as that would be a Lane-brain scheme.

First on the Poo Poo Platter is that the government received an earful from farmers across America over the proposal to require anyone who drives farm equipment to have a commercial driver’s license, so that proposal has been discontinued. I just hope that some government idiot doesn’t try to do the same for another hard-working group of Americans, but I truly believe that they will. I would say Round One goes to the farmers but our government also wanted to tax farmers by the amount of flatulence that their animals expel. That smelly idea was also discontinued because of the amount of uproar farmers created. The first course of the government Poo Poo Platter is good.

And that’s only thing good on the government’s platter this week. Last week, the President blamed Congress for all that is wrong with our nation while he and Congress went on vacation. At this point that is not such of a bad thing because they are not damaging our wallets at the present time but we all know that they will when they return. This is the president that threatened those on Social Security that no Social Security checks will come if our government cannot borrow more money. Dear Mr. President, what the Hell did you do with the money we paid into Social Security when we worked? Just like the commercial on TV, it’s our money and we want it now. Oh, that’s right. No matter what happens the President and the Congress get paid even if those on Social Security do not. They get the gold mine and we get the shaft.

Just when you think that government can’t smell any worse, over 10,000 workers at NASA were laid off because the Space Shuttle program has been discontinued and that’s just a drop in the bucket compared to what the United States Postal Service is pondering by flushing 120,000 workers down the commode. Mind you, this is the quasi-government agency that uses over a million gallons of gasoline a day for free delivery of mail to tens of millions of American homes and charges others to have a post office box in a local post office. Hello, Washington, anyone awake? Sorry, it’s summertime and the morons are on vacation.

Now for some poop on the military’s Falcon Hypersonic Test Vehicle that is supposed to fly at 20 times the speed of sound or some 13,000 miles an hour. This project, costing hundreds of millions of dollars for two planes, accomplished only one of its goals and that’s crashing into the Pacific Ocean. I guess Sir Isaac Newton would be happy because this experimental plane proved his theory on gravity still works although the planes didn’t. It’s a good thing the government didn’t name this plane the Bird of Paradise.

I recently heard the term SNAP Card. If you don’t think the government tries to trick us, think of the terms of food stamps and its replacement, the EBT (electronic benefits transaction) card. So what’s a SNAP Card? SNAP stands for Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program. That’s right, the USDA changes the name once again. I have heard in the past that non-citizens couldn’t receive this benefit but even the USDA website stated that those admitted for permanent residence and other immigrants are eligible to receive these cards. My parents came from Finland and worked for a living. It is high time we take care of our own first. Anyone else comes at their own risk.

And finally, Windham is a town where politics is strange and politicians are stranger. If anyone watched the recent Planning Board meeting where our town council chair asked for multiple waivers from members of the Planning Board he helped appoint is simply amazing. He is the same council chair that believes and has publicly stated numerous times that he has the right to do anything he desires with his property and cares nothing about zoning laws or the Windham Comprehensive Plan. I guess Windham is going downhill just like America. Why have rules when our leaders don’t want to follow them? I also have to ask when the vice chairperson of the Windham Town Council will adhere to the rules as far as his quarry at Nash Road and Route 302 goes? Are the inmates running the asylum?

This past weekend I was eating lunch when a citizen asked me if I knew anything about a forester looking at the trees in Lowell Preserve. I had no clue but it makes me wonder if once again the Director of Parks and Recreation wants to go into the wood business once again.

Lane Hiltunen, of Windham, wants council seats decided by bicycle races once the Windham Bike Park is finished.