Q: I have been married to my wife for a year and a half. Today is the third anniversary of the death of her first husband. We share a Facebook account and this morning she posted a memorial about how much her first husband is missed. I was embarrassed and told her so. We share the account and I felt stupid.

She said she did it for her teenage kids — but there is no mention of “father” in the post. What’s good ex-etiquette here?

A: Although the sentiment is appropriate, the way it was presented was not.

Posting a memorial would have been a lovely gesture if done from the perspective of the children and a missed father.

But now that your wife has remarried, and especially since you share the account, reminiscing about a love that has passed probably was embarrassing for you and as a result, bad ex-etiquette.

Truth is, when someone dies he or she is memorialized in our mind and heart and stays with us forever. Those feelings may stay with us, too, even though we move on and share our life with someone else.

That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone by posting it for all the world to see, especially when your new love shares the account. You might tell your best friend in person and in private, even the kids in the way that “you know I will always love your father.” But on Facebook, there you are arm-in-arm in your profile picture, and one of you is posting about someone else.

Even while the memories of the past remain, once someone remarries, your allegiance — especially to the outside world — belongs to the current spouse.

Does that mean you shouldn’t talk with your new partner about a spouse who has passed? Of course not.

It’s important to share those feelings so the new partner knows exactly what he or she is getting into. But one also has to examine how quickly they move on after the death of a spouse.

Remarrying a year and a half after losing a partner may not have given your wife enough time to fully grieve and now it’s catching up with her.

If that’s the case, you may have to go through the grieving process with her if you want to stay together — and that can be quite unsettling to a new marriage.

Rather than look at this as a Facebook faux pas, look at it as a symptom of the real problem and suggest your wife seek counseling.

As her therapy gets under way, it would not be unusual for the counselor to ask you to join her in session and then offer tools that will enable you to walk the path to your future together.

Jann Blackstone-Ford and her husband’s ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, authors of “Ex-Etiquette for Parents,” are the founders of Bonus Families (www.bonusfamilies.com).