Euphemism: “Language designed to make lies truthful and murder respectable.”

Some weeks ago, Professor Lucius Flatley and the coffee-shop regulars discussed how euphemisms are used politically. This week they addressed the subject again –– this time with emphasis on geographical origin or nationality. Dogs for dinner in China. Snails for supper in France – is there such a thing a national “style” of euphemism? There seems to be little doubt that Americans seem to prefer one type, Europeans another, and Asians are noted for avoiding unpleasant confrontations. Can these wonderful little fellows be identified by origin?

The Japanese are skilled at euphemism. Listen to Emperor Hirohito admitting defeat in World War II. He had lost 3 million of his people, an American armada of mythical proportions was just offshore prepared to invade, and the frightening mist of two atom bombs was still settling around him when he described the situation to his people: “The war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan’s advantage,” he said.

Americans tend to cut to the chase. Gen. Stillwell, after retreating from the Burma jungles: “We took a hell of a licking!” Gen. McAuliffe, in refusing a German demand to surrender: “Nuts!” Ronald Reagan, to the Russians: “Tear this wall down!”

There is, however, American indirect speech in such places as real estate advertising. A tiny residence is a bijou, cozy, compact, charming. A noisy neighborhood is vibrant, up and coming, characterful. Unpleasantly close location is convenient, handy. Decrepit offers: renovation, lots of possibilities, historic.

Similarly, among personals: fat becomes cuddly, Junoesque, full figured. Open minded is desperate, willing to try anything. A drunk becomes convivial, cheerful, lively wit, ebullient. Joyless people are reserved.

Sex, in all of its wonderful guises, is a fertile ground for euphemism, and Americans deal with that tender area with imagination and often humor. A prostitute may be a hooker (named for a Civil War general who favored these ladies in a support function for his troops). In France, such a skilled performer may be called “la grande horizontale.” For a member of the tender sex to advance herself by use of sex is known as “sleeping your way up” or “through the casting couch” (note: this is rarely applied to the institution of marriage, which often compares closely).

While the sex act itself is universally garbed with the vague “make love,” in Germany it is “thump” and in the United States, often “bonk.”

The British bristle with picturesque language. Bodily functions are hidden under Victorian modesty. For a century, the flush toilet was named after its inventor, Sir John Crapper, but as America appropriated this family name, in Britain it became a loo or a W.C. British obituaries are unexcelled. Oversexed becomes: enjoyed lively company, popular, vivacious. Aggressive is known as appetite for life, lived life to the full. Homosexual is a confirmed bachelor, or lived with partner. A professor who played the sleeping game with students is an “active mentor.”

The military mind is especially prone to making their activities palatable. The Korean War became a police action; today, the death of innocent bystanders is collateral damage.

And thus, Fox News becomes “fair and objective.”

Thought for the week:

The annual cost of a soldier in World War II was 67,000 bucks. In constant dollars that same GI in Afghanistan now costs $1.1 million – enough to pay for 20 teachers. Thus, the total force in Afghanistan is equal to the pay of more than 2 million teachers, each of whom could be given a new American-built automobile.

Columnist Rodney Quinn, a former Maine secretary of state, died Oct. 27. The Observer will occasionally run one his columns that previously appeared in other Current Publishing newspapers.

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