I have asked him over and over to delete the sites, but he won’t. He continues to tell me he’s in love with me and wants only me. He says I’m the woman of his dreams. If that’s true, there should be no need for him to look anymore, right?
Please help me understand his obsession, and if there are any tools I can use to be more effective to talk to Vince about this. — FUMING IN FLORIDA
DEAR FUMING: Your communication tools are just fine. Your ability to recognize when someone is stringing you along is what needs improvement.
You may feel you are in a committed relationship, but Vince appears to be less committed than you are. Worse, he also has a problem telling the truth. If Vince wanted only you and was ready to settle down, he wouldn’t compulsively look online to see who else is available.
DEAR ABBY: What do I do about a friend who often interrupts a conversation to check his phone and look up the topic on the Internet? He then adds to — or corrects — the discussion we are having. It’s starting to ruin the friendship. Any advice? — OVERCORRECTED IN TEXAS
DEAR OVERCORRECTED: Whether someone doing this is offensive or not depends upon the spirit in which it’s being done. Your friend may not be certain that what he — or you — is saying is correct and he wants to verify it. Often when people check information online, they find more information on the subject. Your friend may be doing it in the spirit of helpfulness. My husband and I do this with each other often, and neither of us is offended.
DEAR ABBY: I’m conflicted about my role in supporting my children through the death of my exwife. We divorced 25 years ago. There was no significant other in her life. I would like to support them emotionally, but I feel the burial, funeral, etc., are matters for their family and her relatives.
My question is, am I right? And how soon should I go and be with my children? We have been in close touch, and I believe they know that I care and I’m here for them. They live across the country, so the distance and cost of transportation are concerns. — CONFLICTED
DEAR CONFLICTED: I’m sure no one expects you to contribute financially to the funeral of someone from whom you have been divorced for a quarter of a century. However, you should ask your adult children if they would like you to attend for emotional support. Because they are all grown and presumably busy with their lives, if your presence isn’t needed at the funeral, you could schedule a family reunion at a time when it’s convenient for all of you.
DEAR ABBY: My sister faced various life-threatening illnesses. She always said, “Never put off telling the people you love how you feel about them because you might not have a tomorrow.” She practiced what she preached, and we all knew that she loved us. When she passed away eight years ago, it was a painful loss, especially for our mother.
Last week Mom finally succeeded in talking Dad into opening a stuck drawer in a cabinet. Inside she found a letter from my sister that had been put away and forgotten years ago. In the letter my sister wrote how blessed she felt she was to have a mother like ours, how all the sacrifices Mom made for her had been appreciated and how much she loved her.
That long-forgotten letter is now my mother’s most prized possession. Please remind your readers not to take tomorrow for granted, and to tell those they love how they feel TODAY. — JULIE’S SISTER IN LOUISVILLE, KY.
DEAR SISTER: The loving message your sister wrote has conveyed her feelings from beyond the grave, and it is understandable that it is even more meaningful now than when it was written. I’m glad to remind readers to verbalize their affection for each other. But the written word is something that can be savored over and over.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner for six years. She is 14 years older than I am. We get along great and have a wonderful relationship.
“Marsha” and I live in a small Southern city. She is well-known and politically active. While everyone knows she is gay, they rarely realize I’m her partner because I look much younger. We are often approached with, “Oh, is this your daughter?”
How are we supposed to respond? Marsha and I work in the same place, so it happens there, too. It’s awkward. Any ideas? — AIN’T MY MAMA
DEAR AIN’T: Because Marsha is a public person and it’s no secret she’s gay, when the two of you are asked if you are mother and daughter, Marsha should reply, “No, she is my partner.” (And ask them to spread the word.)
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