Just dropped daughter off at college. Freshman year. The first family export.

I interviewed myself after the big event. As a public service, here you are:

Q: You dropped your daughter off at college. How was it?

A: The climate was awful.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Atmospherics were such that my contact lenses got irritated. My eyes watered a lot.

Q: What is your theory on having your child reach l8, go on to further education, leave the nest?

A: Absolutely the way to go. 1,000 percent.

Q: So it was just – pull into parking lot, suitcases, bins out of car, into dorm, exit?

A: Well, not exactly. Actually, unpack, meet roommate, lunch in cafeteria, hear presentations, depart 2:30 p.m.

Q: That all?

A: Actually, we got back to car, she had forgotten some things.

Q: So you made a note to mail them once you got back to Maine?

A: I went back onto campus. Headed to building where we had left her, she wasn’t there, kept looking.

Q: I’m guessing this approach worked well?

A: One of the students took me to a mall area, not there, then administration building. Rode a golf cart to other side of campus. Dropped item off.

Q: Essential item? Textbook? Prescription medication?

A: Jacket and calculator.

Q: Those couldn’t wait three days to mail?

A; Symbolism.

Q: Huh?

A: Getting her the calculator said: “Study!” The jacket “Dress warmly, or you’ll catch cold.”

Q: What was the temperature the day you dropped her off?

A:82.

Q: Is she taking a math course?

A: No.

Q: There is a lesson here for us, right?

A: It took almost as long to track her down as it would have the U.S. Postal Service to deliver the stuff to Waltham, Mass., from Maine.

Q: Get a message from God not to try to track her down, instead leave her alone to grow up?

A: More like campus security.

Q: When will you see her again?

A: Thanksgiving.

Q: Really?

A: OK. Halloween.

Q: You have not come up with another reason to go back down?

A: Actually, she left a snapshot of the dog, and $4.40 on her bureau; There is also a spare set of bedroom slippers I found in the upstairs bathroom. I may need to run those down.

Q: You are out of control.

A: No…I’ll stop. I promise.

Q: How about just a card saying good luck, go get ’em, or something like that?

A: Good idea. Maybe I’ll enclose some Halloween candy.

Dan Warren is a lawyer in Scarborough. He can be reached by private Facebook message at Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law page, or by email at [email protected].