DEAR ABBY: My son had an affair that resulted in the birth of a child outside his marriage. The baby is extremely ill. My daughter-in-law has forgiven my son for his infidelity, and along with my two grandchildren, the little family is trying to rebuild and also do right by the baby.

The baby’s mother stays in contact with us, although she is bitter and unpleasant to my son because he would not leave his family for her. However, she does keep us abreast of the baby’s ongoing medical condition and needs. She confided to me that she got pregnant hoping that my son would finally leave his family.

My question is: How do I handle the relationship we have been forced into with the baby’s mother? I need moral guidance, and some kind of etiquette guidance as well.

— MORAL DILEMMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR MORAL DILEMMA: Don’t blame the woman for feeling bitter. Her attempt to force your son into leaving his family failed, and she’s now responsible for a very sick child. However, that doesn’t change the fact that the baby is your grandchild, and she is your grandchild’s mother. Treat her with kindness. Don’t make things more difficult than they are by being hostile or judgmental. She’s paying for this affair and will for many years to come. Remember always that she is manipulative, but treat her with compassion. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com