DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 40 years old, and I recently became a lawyer in New York City. I am walking on cloud nine because of this major accomplishment, but I have one problem. I am terribly shy and soft-spoken, and if I want to survive in the field of law, I need to toughen up just a little. What are some ways I can privately improve my interpersonal skills? – Private Practice, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR PRIVATE PRACTICE: Congratulations on your accomplishment. Becoming a lawyer is huge, and you should be proud. One way to hone your presentation skills is through public speaking training. If your schedule permits it, you should consider Toastmasters, an international company that supports people in their quest to become comfortable and effective speakers.

Know, too, that practice is going to help you tremendously. The more you have the opportunity to do the work, the more comfortable you will become. Finally, when you feel confident that you know your material, it makes it easier for you to stand up in front of others and deliver it. I was taught that when you think of your work as service, it makes it much easier to let the butterflies go and stand in your own power. From the perspective of a servant of the law or your client, it may be easier for you to let go of any fears and find your voice.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who borrowed a DVD, and he has not returned it. This has gone on for about four years now. I reached out to him via email and left messages on his phone. When I finally got ahold of him, he told me he would mail the DVD to me, but he has not. I can order a new DVD and let it be, but I want the original copy I gave him. Do you think I am belaboring the issue, or should I move on and buy a new copy? – On Extended Loan, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR ON EXTENDED LOAN: There’s a very good chance that you are never going to see that DVD again. Given that four years have already passed, the chance that your friend can locate it is highly unlikely. Rather than continuing to pine over your DVD, let it go. Remember not to lend that person anything in the future, especially if it is an item of value to you. But you are working yourself up over and over again over something that is gone. When you are able to let it go, you will be free simply to enjoy your life. That peace of mind is far more valuable than a DVD, no matter what content it holds. Move on!

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.