DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a believer that everything happens with a reason and purpose. A man I have known for 20 years has come back into my life. The connection is really strong between us, but we do not live in the same state. He has two children and a commonlaw wife, but I do not care because I am in love with him. Do you think I should explore these feelings, or should I let past feelings stay in the past? – Wonderful Memories, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR WONDERFUL MEMORIES: Let the past stay in the past. You are a dreamer, which can be nice; however, in this case, your dreaming can set your life and this man’s on a course toward disaster. He obviously has made his choice to build a family with his partner and their children. For you to explore romantic possibilities with him while he is in an obviously committed relationship would be disrespectful and potentially destructive. If you do not believe you can curb your feelings for him, step away and do not rekindle any kind of friendship with him. It is not worth it for anyone involved.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some help. I have a friend who is at least an hour late to every function I invite him to. It drives me crazy because my friend always has an amazing excuse for his tardiness. Last week, I invited him to a concert, and he arrived an hour into the performance. Since going to the concert, I have thought about creative ways for him to arrive on time. For example, I could tell my friend we will meet an hour and a half before our scheduled time. That way, if he is running an hour late, he will actually be on time. I hope this plan works because I do not want to find a new friend. – Tardy to the Party, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR TARDY TO THE PARTY: Before you come up with a range of creative strategies to trick this friend into being on time, find out why he is always late. Ask him directly. Ask him if he is late in other parts of his life. Does he go to work late? Visit other friends late? Probe to figure out what his story is. You want to determine if this is an overall pattern or if he is not valuing your friendship in ways that you would appreciate and expect.

Rather than attempting to trick him, be direct with him. Tell him that if he cannot show up on time to meet you, you will have to limit what you invite him to attend. Point out the concert when he was an hour late. Maybe a concert is not the right function for you to share. You can also give him a time limit. Perhaps you will wait 30 minutes for him, and after that you will leave. By establishing your boundaries, you can be less vulnerable to waiting for your phantom friend to show up.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.