DEAR HARRIETTE: I grow out my hair in order to cut it and donate it to charity. Now my hair is at my waist, and my family and co-workers feel comfortable telling me to cut it. I may be too sensitive, but I find all forms of telling someone to change their appearance offensive. It’s like telling someone to lose weight because you think they would look better skinny! I usually just brush off these comments and say I will donate it when it’s long enough, but I’m getting very angry with people telling me to change my appearance. I’m helping a charity by donating my hair, and my family especially can’t seem to back off. Do they not understand that I do not care about their opinions of my hair? – My Choice, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR MY CHOICE: Sometimes people get jealous about super-long hair, as for many it is impossible to grow it that long. Jealousy can look like the behavior you are experiencing. If you are keeping your hair clean, neat and appropriate for your work environment, try to ignore the naysayers. On the other hand, you could remind them all that this is your annual charitable effort. Ask them to support you.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family allowed my girlfriend to borrow our treadmill about a year ago. We did not really have space for it at the time and I had a gym membership, so no one was using it. Now that my girlfriend and I are moved out of our parents’ homes, my mom asked for the treadmill back. My girlfriend freaked out. She said my mother was rude and she will not come to my house anymore or attend any meals with my mother, and she never liked my mother anyway. All of this was said to me and not my mother. My girlfriend had assumed that the treadmill was a gift, but my mother assumed it was a loan. I do not want to be in the middle of this at all. I never thought this exercise equipment would cause such a rift. I am very offended by what my girlfriend said about my mother, and she never apologized. Her excuse was that I sometimes say negative things about my mother as well. A few days have passed, and the treadmill was reluctantly returned, but my girlfriend never apologized. My girlfriend probably thinks I will sweep this under the rug, but that will not happen. I need to get her to admit that she was rude and apologize. How can I do that? I would never say anything negative about her family. – Families Feud, Seattle

DEAR FAMILIES FEUD: It could be that your girlfriend misunderstood the loan as a gift. Either way, she was reactionary and rude when she learned that your mother wanted the equipment back. Rather than waiting for her apology, you should bring up the topic again and talk through it. Let her know that you believe her behavior was rude and inappropriate and you are offended that she would speak so harshly about your mother. Ask her to apologize. More, agree that neither of you will speak badly about each other’s families in the future.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.