DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I have moved in together and are discovering a lot of habits we didn’t know the other had. For example, she is not a morning person, and she prefers not to speak before coffee. I tend to be messy and leave my belongings around the house. These aren’t unlivable qualities, but my girlfriend told me that if she could tolerate me leaving my stuff around, I should be able to wait until she has her coffee to broach the day’s topics with her. I thought that was so rude of her. I just have a bad habit of leaving things out. I try to clean up after myself, but sometimes I forget. Her “habit,” on the other hand, is a demand. She can talk if she’s awake! Is the right thing to respect her demand or tell her to get over it? – Bad Habits, Atlanta

DEAR BAD HABITS: I hate to break it to you, but your habit is as bad as your girlfriend’s – and likely far more disruptive. Your girlfriend needing quiet time in the morning, likely not more than an hour, may be difficult for you, but after that period of silence, she is open to talk. Consider this time her meditation space. On the other hand, your mess lingers day in and day out and probably affects the overall appearance of your home at all times. I’m sorry, but my vote is for you to give your girlfriend her space AND clean up your mess. If you need help becoming tidy, you may want to ask her to help you create systems for cleanliness.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not sure why, but God gave me a picky eater. Getting my child to eat anything remotely healthy involves melting cheese on it or smothering it in ketchup. Neither my husband nor I have shown her that this behavior is acceptable. We both eat extremely well, and only have ketchup in the house to make sure our daughter eats. She thinks practically everything is yucky, and I have no clue who told her that yogurt, oatmeal or even fruits are “yucky.” She is 4 years old. Are there any tricks to make her stop thinking the best nourishment is “ewie”? – Picky Toddler, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR PICKY TODDLER: Top of the list is that your daughter needs to understand who is in charge and that the food that you give her is what you expect her to eat. You need to be stern about this, even as you search for healthy options she may like. One way to tantalize her palate may be to choose colorful foods to add to her meal, like carrots or strawberries. Take your daughter apple picking, where she herself picks the apples and places them in a bag. She may be inspired to eat from her harvest. Invite your daughter to help you cook. Let her do small things, like wash vegetables and dry them off. She may grow more interested in the overall cuisine of your home if she gets involved in food preparation.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.