DEAR HARRIETTE: I am engaged to the woman I love (and whom my family loves) and have been for about a year. Recently, my ex-girlfriend came back from Asia, and I have not been able to shake the feeling that I should see her. I have always thought of her as “the one who got away,” and we broke up because her adventurous spirit did not match mine. We promised to reconnect after she was done traveling. This was roughly 8 years ago. I know I am engaged, but I would like to try to see my ex-girlfriend. I am not sure if she remembers our promise, or if this is a good idea. Should I try to reconnect with the one who got away? I am not sure if she feels the same way about me. – Torn, Seattle

DEAR TORN: If your commitment to your fiancee is being shaken by the thought of your ex, then perhaps you should make plans to see her to figure out what you want to do with your life. The worst thing that you could do is marry your fiancee and later meet up with this woman and decide to leave your wife for her. Before taking any action, figure out where your heart is. That includes looking closely at the life you are building with your fiancee. What about it do you value? Can you envision having a family with her? If so, is it worth it to run after a phantom from your past? What do you imagine will happen if you reconnect with your old flame? If you feel like you have to find out, do so with haste. Make a decision quickly that respects everyone involved. Whatever happens, do not disrespect your engagement.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has very poor money-management skills. She spends a lot of her money online shopping and then laments how she only has $40 left to feed herself for the rest of the week. I have suggested she spend more time looking at her bank statements to see exactly where her money goes. I have also suggested only going out to shop, instead of having the convenience of online shopping, but none of my suggestions seem to work. I feel bad, but I refuse to lend my carefully budgeted money to her. She does not have a job and relies on her parents to give her money. She gets into fights with her parents about how she spends her finances. I want to help, but I cannot do much to help when she ignores my tips. How can I help my friend with money management? – She’s Broke, Atlanta

DEAR SHE’S BROKE: Simply put, you can’t help your friend. She may have to hit rock bottom before she figures out how to be responsible for herself. As difficult as it may be for you, you must step back and let her live her life. You may need to create space between you two. Do not give her any money. She has to live her own life, no matter how painful it is for you to watch.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.