DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a pastry chef, and she lives and works at a luxury resort in Las Vegas. I am so proud of her because she is living her dream. She recently received an invitation from a top culinary school in Paris, offering her a scholarship. She is so excited about going to Paris, but I am a nervous wreck after the recent terrorist attacks. I want my daughter to live her dream, but not until it is safe in Paris. What do I do? Do I make her stay in Vegas or allow her to go to France? – American Girl, Las Vegas

DEAR AMERICAN GIRL: It is perfectly understandable that you would be concerned for your daughter’s safety. Sadly, you cannot protect her from terrorism in the United States, either. Witness the countless seemingly random acts of terrorism that have occurred stateside in just the past few months. My vote would be to let her go – with caution. Find out from the school where she would live and what her environment would be like. Give her your blessing .• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We usually see eye to eye; however, lately we’ve been bumping heads on one issue: He is friends with his ex-girlfriend of four years. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if she didn’t act the way she does. She calls him for every little thing, always invites him over to her house and to family gatherings, and they hang out at least every couple weeks. I don’t try to control who my husband is friends with, but this girl is taking their “friendship” too far. I don’t think it’s OK for her to call at all times of the night or invite him out without me. She knows he has a wife at home, but that doesn’t stop her. What’s worse is my husband sees nothing wrong. I tell him how I feel about the situation, but he claims that it’s nothing for me to stress over because she’s just a friend. My intuition is telling me one thing, but my husband sees things differently. How do I get him to see that this isn’t acceptable? I don’t want to control him, but I do want his friend to respect us. – Torn Between the Two, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TORN BETWEEN THE TWO: I remember when I first started dating my husband. There was a woman who was all-consuming and obviously working to snuff me out, but he didn’t see it. I called my mother for advice, and she told me to put my foot down, so to speak. She said I had to claim my man. I say the same to you. It could be true that your husband doesn’t see the influence of his ex. Your job is to refocus his lens toward you. Obviously, “how” is the question. If possible, you should work to attract him, rather than deride her. Make your relationship your focus. Encourage him to be with you. But, if the moment requires, tell him that you need him to choose you. You may also need to point out that she is hoping he will choose her.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.