DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad was never in my life. He just wrote a check here and there, giving it to my mom. There was no real emotional connection. Money was my dad. Money was always there. Money paid for any expenses I needed for my well-being. A week ago, my dad calls me to say that he wants to “see what his return is on his investment.” That comment offended me. How dare he think that his money made me? How could he ever be a real father? He didn’t raise me; the money did. I’m still trying to decipher if that’s a good or bad thing.

The only love I’ve ever known was my mother’s. She was my one and only example. In relationships with guys, I’m always looking for that money and financial support. I don’t look for them to fund me, but I am used to having that in my life. I’m not used to having a guy in my life. How do I break this down to them? Everybody in college thinks that I’m some gold digger. It’s not that, really, it’s more that I’m just used to money.

Should I lower my expectations? My father gave me a lot of money, so do I have to settle for less because they have less? Or do I look at myself and try to change? If so, what do I need to change? – Assumptions vs. Truth, Reno, Nevada

DEAR ASSUMPTIONS VS. TRUTH: Start by meeting with your father. It’s not too late to see if you can strike up a relationship. If you can cultivate a healthy bond with him, it will help you tremendously in building a healthier bond with a potential boyfriend. You should also pursue counseling where you can address your issues and learn to be free of them. Ultimately, it will be great for you to learn how to be in a relationship with someone regardless of how much money he has. Give yourself time.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been seeing a relationship counselor for half a year. We see this therapist individually and then together every other week. I don’t believe in any of the advice this therapist is giving us, and it is too difficult to implement. I am not a very emotional person and don’t like to speak much, but both my wife and therapist make it seem like the only way to better our relationship is if I spill my feelings all the time. The therapist even tells me I’m closed off! This entire situation is deeply frustrating me, and I want to stop going to counseling, but I know it’ll make my wife extremely angry. What should my next step be? I hate this therapist and all of her advice. – Not Spilling the Beans, Dallas

DEAR NOT SPILLING THE BEANS: You got to counseling, I will assume, because you and your wife were at an impasse. As uncomfortable as it is to share your feelings, that is one key goal of therapy – to access how you are feeling and reacting to situations so that you can explore them. If you cannot stand this therapist, consider getting another who may be a better fit. But do not give up.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.