DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my grandma has developed Alzheimer’s disease. I am shocked, but I’m not sure how to proceed. For now, she is forgetful and does small things, like being convinced that the telephone receiver is the remote control. I know this will get worse, and that one day she will probably not remember me. The rest of my family is so saddened, but for some reason, I am not.

I feel guilty about not being distressed about my grandmother’s diagnosis. She has not changed in the days since she received it, but I know she will. I think we should just celebrate my grandmother as she is now and worry about the future as it comes. Should I be more somber? I have never known anyone with Alzheimer’s. – Feeling Guilty, Boston

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Living in the moment is wise. Enjoy your grandmother and spend as much time with her as you can. Also, read up on Alzheimer’s and speak to her doctor if you can. Learn how to best support her and your family. This disease is debilitating and scary, so your family is not wrong to be saddened. You can help to brighten their spirits by reminding them to cherish the days that they can connect meaningfully with your grandmother.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be overweight and have turned the gym into my second home over the years. I love pumping iron and getting my muscles as big as they can be. My transformation lost me roughly 100 pounds of fat. In the gym, I can lift more weight when I grunt. I’ve had managers come over to me and say that other gymgoers are complaining about how loud I am when lifting and exercising.

I love my gym and do everything I can to promote them. I wear the gym T-shirt, and I always put in a good word for them whenever someone asks me where I get so big. I think the gym should cut me some slack. I’m a loyal customer and will probably be around a lot longer than these complainers. How can I tell the gym to lay off my style of exercising? – Pumping Iron, Seattle

DEAR PUMPING IRON: Congratulations on your weight loss! It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to get to where you are today. Many professional athletes have grunts and groans and odd facial expressions that help them to exert their full effort. That said, this is not your personal gym. If managers – plural – have come to you to ask you to quiet down, it is worth considering. The gym should be a comfortable space for all of its members. Perhaps you can press lighter weights for a longer period of time or go to the gym when there are fewer patrons present. Talk to one of the managers or trainers with whom you have a good relationship and ask for suggestions for how you can get your optimal workout in without disturbing others.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.